Destiny Can Bite Me

A Sardonic Urban Vampire Fantasy of Blood, Banter, and Very Bad Decisions (Fang & Loathing, Book 1)

Every prophecy needs a villain.
This one got a sarcastic vampire with a bad attitude.

Vincent Lupo is a jaded, wine-soaked immortal just trying to finish writing his latest smutty novel and avoid the people he’s wronged—magical or otherwise.

Then a severed head turns up in his fridge, branded with an invocation sigil and whispering lines from a play he wrote a century ago. A play the wrong people believe is prophecy.

Now Vincent’s neck-deep in death cults, cursed scripts, and a once-devoted mortal aide who’s now a cult leader hellbent on crafting his own narrative—and casting Vincent as the unwilling Bloodbard at centre stage.

He’s not a hero. He’s just immortal, inconveniently famous in the wrong circles, and really bad at staying uninvolved.

The prophecy wants him bled dry.

Vincent wants a drink.

Only one of them gets what they want.

A sardonic urban fantasy of blood, banter, and very bad decisions.

©2025 Jon Smith (P)2026 Jon Smith