Love and Trouble

A Midlife Reckoning

From the New York Times best-selling author of Poser: My Life in Twenty-Three Yoga Poses, a ferocious, sexy, hilarious memoir about going off the rails at midlife and trying to reconcile the girl she was with the woman she has become.

Claire Dederer is a happily married mother of two, ages nine and twelve, when she suddenly finds herself totally despondent and, simultaneously, suffering through a kind of erotic reawakening. This exuberant memoir shifts between her present experience as a middle-aged mom in the grip of mysterious new hungers and herself as a teenager--when she last experienced life with such heightened sensitivity and longing. From her hilarious chapter titles ("How to Have Sex with Your Husband of Seventeen Years") to her subjects--from the boyfriend she dumped at fourteen the moment she learned how to give herself an orgasm, to the girls who ruled her elite private school ("when I left Oberlin I thought I had done with them forever, but it turned out ...they also edited all the newspapers and magazines, and wrote all the books"), to raising a teenage daughter herself--Dederer writes with an electrifying blend of wry wit and raw honesty. She exposes herself utterly, and in doing so captures something universal about the experience of being a woman, a daughter, a wife.

Disturbing yet beautifully written and insightful

Being one year younger than Claire, I can relate both to her young self in the 70s 80s and 90s and in my 40s with honestly the scare of getting older. Loved this book can relate to it when it comes to pop culture, philosophy, being a woman of my generation, You rock intelligent Claire Dederer and I'm totally heterosexual lol,

Absorbing but absorbed

The author writes well but I found her self-absorbed. In the end, of course that is the point of writing it but many people write memoirs without wallowing quite as much as she does. She mentioned Mary Karr. Add to that, she is self-loathing even when she came to what she thought were revelations. I find that sad. Finally, I kept thinking of my own kids reading something like this and found it cringeworthy. That might have been my biggest problem with the book. She needed to wait until they were old enough to have established their own perspectives and desires.

Emotionally Intense!

I am 3 years old older, also a life resident of Seattle. This book was was VERY graphic in detail, for me, uncomfortably so. Some, but not just like my experience.

Honest, moving… did not want it to end.

The way she shares her experiences, perspectives, feelings and the way she connects things, combined with her willingness to share raw moments is unique and moving. And her voice—both her literal voice as in the voice she writes with, and her literal voice as in she narrates this audiobook, are exceptional and lovely. Claire Dederer is my new favorite writer.

So well written !

After getting over the author’s incessant life privilege, I could enjoy the book. I love her writing and style of weaving descriptive moments into transitions. I also appreciate how she positions women’s mid-life sexuality in our culture.