EP 76: Building Your Emotional Home with Alyssa Scarano

In this episode of That's Where I'm At, host Laura speaks with Alyssa Scarano, LPC, NCC, therapist and Founder and Clinical Director of The Collective Therapy & Wellness. Known for her empathetic and compassionate approach, Alyssa views her work as a profound privilege—supporting clients through their most vulnerable experiences while helping them heal from childhood trauma, break generational patterns, and build meaningful, authentic relationships rooted in self-compassion. Alyssa shares how personal loss in her twenties led her to pursue therapy and ultimately specialize in generational trauma and family dynamics. Together, she and Laura explore how childhood emotional suppression shapes adult behavior, the importance of inner child work, and how self-love becomes the foundation for healthy boundaries. Using a powerful "home" metaphor, Alyssa illustrates boundary-setting in a relatable way and encourages listeners to embrace discomfort as a necessary part of healing. She also offers a free 21-day email series designed to help build self-worth. Key Topics & Timestamps Episode Overview & Guest Introduction (00:01:29) Laura previews the conversation with Alyssa about generational patterns, boundaries, and self-love. Alyssa's Healing Journey (00:02:58) Alyssa shares her personal background, family dynamics, and how therapy empowered her. Family Silence and Childhood Trauma (00:03:26) Discussion about growing up in families that suppress emotions and the impact on children. Internalizing Trauma as a Child (00:06:19) Exploring how children internalize family trauma and blame themselves. Alyssa's Path to Therapy Work (00:07:16) Alyssa describes her transition from personal healing to becoming a family therapist. Inner Child Work Explained (00:09:26) Alyssa explains inner child work, early social learning, and how childhood beliefs shape adulthood. Boundaries and Self-Love Connection (00:11:46) Laura and Alyssa discuss how boundaries are rooted in self-love and healing childhood wounds. Survival Mode Parenting & Boundaries (00:13:06) Exploring how generational survival mode affects parenting and boundary-setting. External vs. Internal Boundaries (00:14:10) Alyssa explains the difference between visible boundaries and internal boundaries around self-worth. Impact of Narcissistic Abuse and Healing (00:15:04) Laura shares her experience with narcissistic abuse and the process of unraveling negative self-beliefs. How Trauma Gets Stuck (00:16:32) Alyssa explains trauma as a combination of vulnerability, acute events, and lack of support. Importance of Emotional Support (00:17:51) Discussion on how lack of support after trauma makes healing harder and the need for safe spaces. Therapy Process: Genogram & Family Mapping (00:18:58) Alyssa describes her intake process using genograms to map family patterns and roles. Negative Side of Healing & Family Reactions (00:20:24) Laura discusses how healing can disrupt family dynamics and lead to uncomfortable reactions. Discomfort and Growth in Healing (00:21:59) Alyssa explains why discomfort is part of growth and why families may resist change. Embracing All Emotions (00:23:11) Alyssa emphasizes the importance of feeling all emotions, including anger, for empowerment and boundary-setting. Therapy as a Safe Space (00:26:06) Laura and Alyssa discuss the value of therapy as a safe, validating environment for self-expression. Therapist's Emotional Labor (00:28:30) Alyssa reflects on the emotional demands of being a therapist and the risk of vicarious trauma. Healthy Relationships and Community (00:30:11) Laura shares how healing attracts healthier relationships and changes her social circle. Tips for Listeners: Embracing Discomfort & Self-Compassion (00:30:53) Alyssa offers advice on tolerating discomfort, managing expectations, and giving oneself grace during healing. Boundaries Metaphor: Home as Self (00:33:13) Alyssa introduces a metaphor comparing boundaries to managing your home and deciding who gets access. Self-Love as the Foundation (00:37:34) Alyssa and Laura discuss how self-love is the foundation for breaking patterns and setting boundaries. Powerful Quotes from the Episode Alyssa, "I did my own healing, went to therapy, and found the words and the space to explore what I was feeling, and that was so empowering for me because it changed my life." Alyssa, "You're always kind of working with that inner child that was not seen and not validated, and it's powerful to offer someone an experience they never had." Alyssa, "We have the internal boundary of being able to separate someone else's responses from how you view yourself and your own self-worth—it's like putting up a veil and not letting someone else's behavior pierce it." Alyssa, "We belong to ourselves long before we belong to anyone else." Alyssa, "The reason why those patterns and behaviors formed in the first place was out of a desire for connection and love, so it begins with deciding you are ...