A Final Girl's Guide to the Horrors of Dating

By: Rory Uphold

Narrated by: Rory Uphold

These days, dating feels less like a rom-com and more like a horror show. So it’s time to become the Final Girl (aka the one who makes it out alive).

A Final Girl’s Guide to the Horrors of Dating is what happens when a hopeful romantic survives modern love’s monsters: ghosts, narcissists, demonic clowns, and zombie exes who refuse to stay in the past—and lives to tell the tale. Part memoir, part survival manual, this brutally honest and wickedly funny dating book is for anyone who’s been burned but still dares to believe in love.

With the sharp wit of a comedian and the candor of your most unfiltered friend, Rory walks you through the many horrors afflicting modern love. From serial cheaters to the ways we cheat ourselves, this book doesn’t just commiserate with your romantic nightmares; it arms you with the tools to rise above them. Inside this book, you’ll learn how to:

• Spot red flags before they become full-blown horror scenes
• Break toxic dating patterns
• Stop wasting time in dead-end relationships
• Survive bed death
• Glow up after heartbreak
• Exorcize the inner demons telling you you’re too much or not enough
• Shake off shame and societal pressure around being single
• Romanticize whatever phase of life you’re in
• Become the Final Girl of your own movie

You’ll laugh, cringe, maybe even scream—but by the end, you’ll remember that the Final Girl not only makes it out alive, she thrives. And so will you.

©2025 Rory Uphold/Blue Lakes (P)2026 Recorded Books

Loved the stories

The pivots from stories to advice are great. Also Rory is a great storyteller. Her inflection draws listeners in unlike so many monotone audiobooks.