A Matter of Death and Life

By: Marilyn Yalom, Irvin D. Yalom

Narrated by: Jim Frangione, Pam Ward

A yearlong journey by the renowned psychiatrist and his writer wife after her terminal diagnosis, as they reflect on how to love and live without regret.

Internationally acclaimed psychiatrist and author Irvin Yalom devoted his career to counseling those suffering from anxiety and grief. But never had he faced the need to counsel himself until his wife, esteemed feminist author Marilyn Yalom, was diagnosed with cancer. In A Matter of Death and Life, Marilyn and Irv share how they took on profound new struggles: Marilyn to die a good death, Irv to live on without her.

In alternating accounts of their last months together and Irv’s first months alone, they offer us a rare window into facing mortality and coping with the loss of one’s beloved. The Yaloms had numerous blessings - a loving family, a Palo Alto home under a magnificent valley oak, a large circle of friends, avid readers around the world, and a long, fulfilling marriage - but they faced death as we all do. With the wisdom of those who have thought deeply and the familiar warmth of teenage sweethearts who’ve grown up together, they investigate universal questions of intimacy, love, and grief.

Informed by two lifetimes of experience, A Matter of Death and Life is an openhearted offering to anyone seeking support, solace, and a meaningful life.

©2021 Irvin D. Yalom and Marilyn Yalom (P)2021 Blackstone Publishing

The eternal Yalom face his fear

This book like all other books by Yalom is a true gift. The honesty he describes all the feelings he goes through when he looses his beloved wife of a life time is admirable, just like his descriptions of his problems with ageing. The section where he finds healing in reading his own books is especially interesting. This is the book where Yalom finally takes a close look at his near lifetime fear of dying - and let go of his fear
I do believe Yaloms writings will remain as valuable classics as long as civilisation exits
Personally I find his writings outstanding. He inspired me to become a psychoanalytic psychiatrist - I love it!

Lovingly written, lovingly received

As I approach my 62nd birthday and am helping care for my nearly 87 year old mother-in-law, I seem to have been drawn to “A Matter of Death and Life.” Having experienced first the loss of my wonderful daddy at 84, my amazing mother 10 years later shortly before her 94th birthday (married nearly 61 years) and then the loss of my dear father-in-law at 85, I see my surviving mother-in-law struggling to continue living without her spouse whom she was married to 60 years, also. I find it hard to believe the love of my life and I (married 38 years and together 41) are nearing our golden years. I, truly can not imagine life without him. This is an honest and beautifully written book and one I will listen to again as we face the trials
and tribulations of aging and so many questions associated with dealing with death and life. Highly recommended!

Extremely self-indulgent

It is an very sad recount of a real story -- the lives of husband and wife as they face the last leg of their earthly journey -- and therefore, it is hard to judge or critique.
As an avid reader of Irvin Yalom's oeuvre, I "recognized" and loved his part of the narrative. Marilyn Yalom (new to me) was not as skillful a writer as a her husband; and unfortunately, the tremulous voice of the reader (Pam Ward) did nothing to help with the listening of her side of the story.
A worthy work, nonetheless, if a tad toooooo self-indulgent in the latter part of the book.
As a side note: I had gotten to the most heartrending part of this dual autobiography when a good friend happened to mention to me a detail about Irvin's life in the past couple of years (a fact that, obviously, was not incorporated in this text, which predates it), and this new fact has totally put me off the book! LOL I listened to the rest of the book (about 2.5 hours) frowning and poorly disposed toward everything the author was saying.

Lovely vulnerability

Marilyn and Irvin do a splendid job of exposing their unique experiences of Marilyn’s cancer and her struggle toward assisted suicide. I was grateful to hear about both of their emotions and thoughts as this extraordinary couple, with so much history and admiration for each other, wrestled with letting go. All the ethical dilemmas and revelations of selfishness made them relatable people. As perfect as their marriage seems to have been, the vulnerability they expressed made them just like all of us - idiosyncratic, unique and ordinary. I loved the book.

Another Vulnerable & Generous Sharing by Yalom

As a therapist, Yalom has been the Mick Jagger of my life since I first discovered his work in graduate school. I feel honored to have had the pleasure of meeting him in the flesh many years ago and having a special moment of connection at a conference, a few moments I will always cherish. He models humanness, vulnerability, and humor in his writings as I'm sure he did in his practice. I seem to love each book more than the last, though I have my favorites.

This is a beautiful and moving story of love, loss, pain, and gratitude. I've already recommended it to several clients and family members. Thank you Dr. Yalom. You will live on for many generations to come because of your generosity in storytelling.