Bare Butt Cheeks…and Broken Lawn Chairs

A Hilarious Real-Life Nudist Story Straight From Seattle!

By: Kristin Williams

Narrated by: Virtual Voice

Welcome to the wildest, weirdest, and most gloriously NSFW (but somehow still PG-13?) book you’ll ever read about nudist life.

Ever wanted to attend a nude barbecue where someone sharts mid-rib?
Curious what happens when your Amazon delivery guy catches a full-frontal nip slip?
Want to know how to survive a naked dinner party, a hot tub betrayal, AND a nude beach showdown with a fart-prone frenemy?

Then baby, you’ve come to the right towel-covered-chaos corner of the internet.

Meet Kristin.
She’s 38. She lives just outside Seattle. She owns approximately zero matching bra sets, one traumatized patio umbrella, and at least six regrets involving nudity and salsa dip. She’s a proudly liberal, wine-chugging, messily honest woman who accidentally fell into nudist life and then decided, “Screw it, this is who I am.”

Now she’s sharing her stories—every sunburned crevice of them.

Inside this hysterical collection of real-life naked misadventures, you’ll meet:

• Tanya – her ride-or-die bestie who drinks too much wine, critiques butt symmetry, and once performed a topless monologue in Kristin’s hot tub

• Susan – the human equivalent of a fart in a church, who somehow weaponizes gas and passive-aggression at the same time

• Harrison – a hot, 23-year-old golden retriever of a man who used to date Susan and is now… well, not anymore

• And a whole cast of nudists, almost-nudists, and people who should never have taken off their pants in the first place

It’s part memoir, part how-to guide, part “holy crap I hope my mom doesn’t read this.”

You’ll laugh.
You’ll cringe.
You’ll Google “Can I get a yeast infection from a beach chair?” and that’s okay, friend. You’re not alone.

Topics include but are not limited to:

• Naked yoga disasters

• Barbecue sauce on places barbecue sauce should never be

• Fart diplomacy

• The spiritual meaning of towel placement

• Healing your heart through butt-naked chaos

Perfect for fans of Jenny Lawson, Samantha Irby, or anyone who’s ever accidentally joined a nudist retreat and stayed for the cheese platter.

If you’ve ever looked around and thought, “Life is a mess and I wish I could laugh about it while also airing out my downstairs bits,” this book is for you.

So grab a glass of wine.
Take off your pants.
And join Kristin for the most hilariously unhinged nudist journey of self-acceptance, friendship, and frontal exposure the suburbs have ever seen.

P.S. There’s a lot of farting. Like, a surprising amount. You’ve been warned.