Confessions Of God

An irreverent interview in an Los Angeles police station.

By: Jack Dancer

Narrated by: Virtual Voice

"Confessions of God" kicks off with a bang when an old man with wild Charlie Manson eyes walks into an LA police station and drops the bombshell: he murdered his son, Jesus. The cops, Joe Saturday and Bill Cannon, are left scratching their heads and clutching their sides as this supposed deity unravels a string of confessions that would make a televangelist blush.

Claiming to be God himself, the old man spins yarns that are equal parts blasphemous and side-splitting. He talks about offing thousands in biblical plagues, dishing out fire and brimstone, and even gives a cooking lesson on roasting children (which he claims taste just like chicken). He doesn’t spare any punches, tearing into everything from hypocritical religious leaders to modern-day morons who still fall for the same old divine shtick.

As the old man rambles on, he takes potshots at his own creations, like the Israelites who just couldn’t get their act together, and his son Jesus, who he describes as a homeless bum on a donkey. The cops try to keep a straight face while jotting down notes about incestuous relationships, divine pranks, and other celestial screw-ups that make your family drama look tame.

Things take a wild turn when the old man's DNA and fingerprints match everyone in the police database, turning the interrogation room into a circus of biblical proportions. The old man, unfazed by the madness, casually mentions his omnipresent struggles, including a lawsuit from Nebraska and a spam voicemail from Nietzsche declaring, "God is dead."

In the end, the old man drops the mic, blaming humanity’s lack of faith for his own demise, and vanishes in a puff of smoke, leaving the cops to ponder their surreal encounter. "Confessions of God" is a riotous, irreverent ride through the divine comedy, daring readers to question everything they thought they knew about God, religion, and the ultimate cosmic joke.