Cultural Practices of the Heartland

By: Andy Crawford

Narrated by: Virtual Voice

Deep within the suburban jungle of Cincinnati, a monster has emerged, bursting out of the Rumpke Sanitary Landfill. Taking its name from its birthplace, Rumpke is a thousand feet tall, has revolting personal habits, and might be vaguely familiar to readers, considering his orange-tinged hair and proportionally tiny hands. What do Americans do when such a creature appears, lumbers around at random, and occasionally defiles a local landmark? For millions, the choice is obvious – worship it.

New York journalist Fred Millard is assigned to report on the exploits of the monster, his bizarre fandom, and the ludicrous internet conspiracy theories that have caught fire since his appearance. Fred quickly learns that the absurdity of Rumpke’s fandom leads to more serious consequences than mere internet hysteria – when serious illness starts to spread in those closest to the monster, its biggest fans refuse to follow the government’s guidance of masking and social distancing, worsening the outbreak. And most appalling of all, one conspiracy theory inspires a violent mob to assemble in Washington, DC and assault a federal building, with deadly results.

A funhouse-mirror reflection of modern American politics, CULTURAL PRACTICES OF THE HEARTLAND is a sci-fi tinged political satire novel. It was written for all of us who are exhausted, baffled, and even terrified by the insanity of American politics in recent times.