Dead Inside

A True Story

By: Cyndy Etler

Narrated by: Heather Masters

This fast-paced memoir that New York Times best-selling author Ellen Hopkins called "Compelling. Scary. Totally real" gives listeners a glimpse into the unbelievable reality of a young girl's 16 months in the notorious "tough love" program the ACLU called "a concentration camp for throwaway kids".

I never was a badass. Or a slut, a junkie, or a stoner, like they told me I was. I was just a kid looking for something good, something that felt like love. I was a wannabe in a Levi's jean jacket. Anybody could see that. Except my mother. And the staff at Straight.

I was 13 when I ran away from my abusive home. After a month in a shelter for kids - the best month of my childhood - my mother heard about Princess Di and First Lady Nancy Reagan's visit to this place that was working miracles with troubled teens. Straight Inc., it was called.

Straight described itself as a drug rehab, a "direction for youth". Strictly false advertising. An accurate description came from the ACLU, which called it "A concentration camp for throwaway teens". Inside the windowless warehouse, Straight used bizarre and intimidating methods to "treat" us; to turn us into the type of kids our parents wanted. The Dead Inside takes listeners behind Straight's closed doors, illustrating why the program was eventually investigated, sued, and closed down for abusing children.

©2017 Cyndy Etler (P)2022 Audible, Inc.

Places like this still exist

For anyone who's been through a program anything like this, please proceed with caution. Speaking for myself, I have been through a program similar in many ways to what's described in this book and reading/listening to this was like ripping open old wounds that once took many years to heal. There was nothing therapeutic about it for me and I struggled getting through it, mostly doing so out of my own stubbornness and refusal to let it win; which I should've just listened to my gut reaction and stopped ¼ of the way through. It dug up a lot of bad memories and "triggered" me to the point I practically felt as if I was reliving a lot of the old trauma. So please proceed with caution if this applies to you... or better still, for your own good please just don't proceed at all.
That being said..
This author did a really good job of articulating what the program is like with an exceptional attention to detail. I rated it 4 stars because I can see how other listeners could find it confusing and might think she's crediting the program for her success in life, as well as saving her from a seedy existence. I, however, read between the lines and see how the program most likely took away part of her soul and left her with even more trauma she'll probably spend the remainder of her years trying to cope with. For as detailed as the book was, the ending seemed glossed over and rushed through.

Great but what?

This book I went into expecting her to bash this horrible "Straight" school as she should but she really didn't, she honestly made it sound like without straight she would be a loser druggie like they truly brainwashed her! She was a victim of child sexual assault and of a neglectful mother. I was hoping that somehow she could have received justice as in her "Step-Dad" going to prison for what he did to her and her mother going to jail for child neglect and not stopping him!! Nothing makes me madder. I am glad she is happy and doing well now but sure wish she would spit venom at these straight people. I need to read the next book about her in H.S maybe it will have her more woke! lol Oh and this narrator makes the book!!