Firstborn

A Memoir

By: Lauren Christensen

Narrated by: Lauren Christensen

“An achingly beautiful testament to fierce loss, fierce love and fierce resilience.” —People Magazine

“You will find yourself rationing out pages to spend more time in the glow of Christensen’s luminous prose and inextinguishable love. A triumph.” —Oprah Daily (best new books to read this spring)

A lapidary memoir of losing a child before she can be born, which the author began writing the day she came home from the hospital—an intimate story about our most searing losses and brightest hopes

“Some days I still think this is all just a sad story I’ll tell Simone one day.”

Lauren Christensen is a thirtysomething editor in New York City when she meets her future husband, Gabe, a writer with whom she falls in love right away. Her beloved grandfather is dying, but the young couple is bringing new life into the family: Lauren and Gabe joyfully discover she is pregnant with their daughter, Simone.

As Lauren faces the prospect of becoming a parent, she learns to let go of the fear of abandonment and need for control instilled in her by growing up with a largely absent father and a high-powered mother who was often away on business. Lauren and Gabe are incandescently happy in their exuberant, messy, beautiful shared world. But just weeks after their wedding, they learn that their worst nightmare has come true: Simone is dying in the womb.

In fierce, tender, spellbinding prose, Firstborn brings us to the very heart of the human paradox: How do we live when everyone who makes up our world will someday be gone? And how can we mourn when the cosmic order has been turned upside down—when a child dies before she is born?

As she comes up against the brutal limits of maternal healthcare and the limitlessness of her love for her daughter, Lauren Christensen finds a key, generous and brave, in which to share her loss, a testimony whose diamond-like brilliance refracts a universal light.

My Anna

Totally resonated with Lauren's experience as I too lost My Anna at 20 weeks pregnant. Though the circumstances were different, I experienced almost everything she did physically and emotionally. Hearing her voice the book took me right back to when my firstborn Anna was "miscarried" in 1985. Thank you, Lauren, for sharing your story. Brava!

Beautiful

This is such a heartbreaking story but told so beautifully. I lost my daughter at 16 weeks to trisomy 18 so I felt all these things and sobbed as I relived my story through hers. It makes me know I am not alone in my journey and you aren’t either. ❤️