Gorilla and the Bird

A Memoir of Madness and a Mother's Love

By: Zack McDermott

Narrated by: Zack McDermott

"Glorious...one of the best memoirs I've read in years...a tragicomic gem about family, class, race, justice, and the spectacular weirdness of Wichita. [McDermott] can move from barely controlled hilarity to the brink of rage to aching tenderness in a single breath." -- Marya Hornbacher, New York Times Book Review

Zack McDermott, a 26-year-old Brooklyn public defender, woke up one morning convinced he was being filmed, Truman Show-style, as part of an audition for a TV pilot. Every passerby was an actor; every car would magically stop for him; everything he saw was a cue from "The Producer" to help inspire the performance of a lifetime. After a manic spree around Manhattan, Zack, who is bipolar, was arrested on a subway platform and admitted to Bellevue Hospital.

So begins the story of Zack's freefall into psychosis and his desperate, poignant, often hilarious struggle to claw his way back to sanity. It's a journey that will take him from New York City back to his Kansas roots and to the one person who might be able to save him, his tough, big-hearted Midwestern mother, nicknamed the Bird, whose fierce and steadfast love is the light in Zack's dark world.

Before his odyssey is over, Zack will be tackled by guards in mental wards, run naked through cornfields, receive secret messages from the TV, befriend a former Navy Seal and his talking stuffed monkey, and see the Virgin Mary in the whorls of his own back hair. But with the Bird's help, he just might have a shot at pulling through, starting over, and maybe even meeting a partner who can love him back, bipolar and all.

Introducing an electrifying new voice, Gorilla and the Bird is a raw and unforgettable account of a young man's unraveling and the relationship that saves him.

Critic reviews

"A funny, finely observed and surprisingly touching depiction of what it feels like to lose your mind. By allowing us to witness his lowest and most delusional moments, and the slow and tentative process of returning to the world, Zack McDermott provides a gripping portrait of a very real human battle too often ignored and misunderstood. I am better for reading this book."—Sarah Hepola, NewYork Times bestselling author of Blackout

"Zack McDermott's portrait of a mind under assault from bi-polar illness is both fascinating and heart-breaking to observe, and he takes us into his experience with riveting intensity. But McDermott's real achievement is capturing the moving determination and steadfast love of the mother who saves him, the remarkable Bird who breaks the loneliness, quiets the fear and gives him a home worth returning to. I was so moved by this book and these people."—George Hodgman, New York Times bestselling author of Bettyville

"A poignant memoir...[McDermott's] book asks us to destigmatize mental illness by familiarizing us intimately with the issue."—Los Angeles Review of Books

"McDermott brings a vivid and unsettling degree of intimacy to his descriptions of mania's onset. . . His work as a public defender grows out of a deep sense of empathy for the stigmatized and marginalized that's evident on every page. He uses that empathy to construct a deeply compassionate portrait of his mother - a resilient woman whose love helps ground him in the real, even in moments when his reality is at its most friable."—NPR.org

"A startlingly moving memoir of mother and son, structural injustice and inflammable mental illness. Gorilla and the Bird is as piss-cuttin' a pieta as anyone has any right to hope for. And Zack McDermott -- guy's a fleet, funny, unsentimental storyteller who manages that rare thing: He allows a damaged soul be found."—Kent Russell, author of I Am Sorry to Think I Have Raised a TimidSon

"A captivating and witty memoir about a young lawyer's gut-wrenching struggle with mental illness and the fierce, protective love of his remarkable mother and dedicated friends, Zack McDermott's Gorilla and the Bird is not only a deeply powerful reminder of our own vulnerability, but a truly inspirational testament to the strength of the human spirit. This book makes accessible experiences that some may wish to ignore but that urgently require our attention, acceptance and empathy."—ElizabethFord, M.D., author of Sometimes Amazing Things Happen

"Gorilla and the Bird will make you laugh, cry, and wonder what would happen if we were all brave enough to tell the stories of our relationships with love and madness. I needed this book."— KieseLaymon, author of How to Slowly Kill Yourself and Others inAmerica

Beautifully written, poignantly told experience of bipolar

McDermont provides an excellent contribution to the “walk in my shoes”
literature about bipolar disease. Hats off to the gorilla and especially to the bird who offers a role model for hanging in.

It doesn’t get more real than this

Zack McDermott’s personal story has done more to help reduce the stigma of bipolar disorder than anything else I have ever read on the subject. I wish him and his family much success - and constant stability -going forward.

Powerful. Insightful into Bipolar and society

1. Brave
2 thank you to the author and his Mom the Bird. The story is powerful, compelling and inspiring.
3. Insightful into society. Our criminal justice and mental health issues as well as lower income challenges and the ongoing cycles
4. Insights into mental illness.


5. Am raising my proverbial pin pins for Zach and his family and his new wife. Thank you for sharing your roadmap to managing his/your illness and also offering a glimpse into the greater society ills - like the circle of mental illness/addiction/prison ...challenges As a society we have yet to figure out. Expanded my understanding and compassion.

Best account of mental illness I’ve heard

This is a truly different mental illness memoir in the best possible way. It is read by the author and I think that made a difference in the immersion in the novel I experienced. Not the listen I expected but absolutely cannot recommend enough.

Heartbreaking story retold beautifully

The author’s narration is excellent. McDermott’s humor, humility and honesty draws the listener into his terrifying fight with madness. Gorilla and Bird is full of wonderfully wry observations and vivid descriptions of persons and places. Highly recommend.