Hold On to Your Kids

Why Parents Need to Matter More than Peers

By: Gordon Neufeld, Gabor Maté MD

Narrated by: Daniel Maté

This parenting classic on one of the most disturbing and misunderstood trends of our time--peers replacing parents in the lives of children--is now more relevant than ever. The latest edition includes new material on how social media and video game culture are affecting our children, and what parents can do.

In Hold On to Your Kids, Dr. Neufeld and Dr. Maté explore the phenomenon of peer orientation: the troubling tendency of children and youth to look to their peers for direction--for a sense of right and wrong, for values, identity and codes of behaviour. But peer orientation undermines family cohesion, poisons the school atmosphere, and fosters an aggressively hostile and sexualized youth culture. It provides a powerful explanation for schoolyard bullying and youth violence; it is an escalating trend that has never been adequately described or contested until Hold On to Your Kids. Once understood, it becomes self-evident--as do the solutions.

Life-changing

I have my child back. Instead of slammed doors and anger, I now have “please stay” and “can I ask your advice.” Thank you for this permanently life changing book and for helping parents raise loving future parents. Praise built on unconditional love yields permanent bonds with children. This book should be given out to parents upon departure from hospital delivery rooms.

Great overall theme, but a little out of touch

Neufeld and Mate’s overall thesis is one that I agree with - as parents our job is to love our children unconditionally, and family relationships should be the number one priority for our children’s well being. Their suggestions for how to maintain and repair relationships with your kids are excellent, and they gave me a new perspective on how I could be a better mom. It’s already made a difference in my relationship with my kids.

The reason I gave this four stars, though, is that some of the examples the authors give of kids that are “too peer oriented” seem out of touch to me. Children will always be interested in new cultural phenomena, whether it’s music, TV, games or art. It’s normal for kids to want to be “more” than their parents are. Of course parents should put limits on exposure to media, but just because your child has tastes or values that are slightly different than yours doesn’t necessarily mean there is a problem. It would be easy to enter in a panic based on some of the arguments in this book that describe behaviors ALL kids will exhibit at some point.

Overall, absolutely worth the read, focus on the last few chapters that describe how you can improve your relationship with your kids and be a more loving parent.

A must-read book for parents and not only.

It was a bit depressing to listen through the first half of the book where the degradation of peer-oriented adolescents was described. Otherwise a very important book to listen to anyone who is in contact with kids.

A must read

A must read For all parents and educators who work with holders. Profound and insightful.

So good!!!

So so so good! I can’t wait to implement these ideas in my parenting. Every parent should read this book!