How Not to Kill Yourself

A Portrait of the Suicidal Mind

By: Clancy Martin

Narrated by: Clancy Martin

An intimate, insightful, at times even humorous exploration of why the thought of death is so compulsive for some while demonstrating that there’s always another solution—from the acclaimed writer and professor of philosophy, based on his viral essay, “I’m Still Here.”

“If you’re going to write a book about suicide, you have to be willing to say the true things, the scary things, the humiliating things. Because everybody who is being honest with themselves knows at least a little bit about the subject. If you lie or if you fudge, the reader will know.”

The last time Clancy Martin tried to kill himself was in his basement with a dog leash. It was one of over ten attempts throughout the course of his life. But he didn’t die, and like many who consider taking their own lives, he hid the attempt from his wife, family, coworkers, and students, slipping back into his daily life with a hoarse voice, a raw neck, and series of vague explanations.

In How Not to Kill Yourself, Martin chronicles his multiple suicide attempts in an intimate depiction of the mindset of someone obsessed with self-destruction. He argues that, for the vast majority of suicides, an attempt does not just come out of the blue, nor is it merely a violent reaction to a particular crisis or failure, but is the culmination of a host of long-standing issues. He also looks at the thinking of a number of great writers who have attempted suicide and detailed their experiences (such as David Foster Wallace, Yiyun Li, Akutagawa, Nelly Arcan, and others), at what the history of philosophy has to say both for and against suicide, and at the experiences of those who have reached out to him across the years to share their own struggles.

The result combines memoir with critical inquiry to powerfully give voice to what for many has long been incomprehensible, while showing those presently grappling with suicidal thoughts that they are not alone, and that the desire to kill oneself—like other self-destructive desires—is almost always temporary and avoidable.

*Includes a downloadable PDF of resources and tools for crisis from the book

Trigger warnings

I struggle as the author did/does and found the book validating me as a human. He spoke my language and knew how human he is. I appreciate his sharing - often explicit, but if it had been sugar coated, he would have lost me.

I am inspired to stay alive.

Very helpful

After losing a brother to suicide this book helped me understand the mind of someone who struggles with those type of thoughts. I've been able to process my loss more ever since I read it. Very helpful!

Research!

Great book with unmatched research into a complex subject with beautiful understanding. Highly recommend this book to anyone who had been touched by suicide, but especially for those who have had thoughts all their life. You are not alone.

Affirming

Professional but plainspoken, solipsism through a crystal-clear prism - too phony? reductive? Yes, yes. But I liked that I didn’t always like the work or him. That’s how I knew that I was in the hands of someone sincere. God bless those around the author… for reasons you can read about in the text.

Some readers less into may receive this heavy material more favorably or generously hearing it read aloud. He does good rueful laugh and laconic delivery.

Anyone with life experience in this subject should give this text a chance (and give life itself another shot, if in that subcohort).

He gets me.

I have never read a book that made so much sense to me. This helped me understand myself and my tendencies in a beautiful way