How to Lose Friends and Resent People

The Ultimate Guide to Being Petty, Passive-Aggressive, And Perfectly Unpleasant

By: Jef Benson

Narrated by: Virtual Voice

Ever wanted to send a vague, dramatic social media post and call it “communication”? Do you cancel plans just to scroll in peace—then wonder why you're never invited anywhere?


Congratulations! You may already be a master of modern friendship sabotage.

Hilarious, biting, and oddly soul-soothing, How to Lose Friends and Resent People is your satirical survival guide to all the messy ways we accidentally destroy relationships—while swearing it's “self-care.” Think of it as the evil twin of Dale Carnegie’s timeless classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People—only with more ghosting, subtweets, and microwave fish in office kitchens.
Inside this laugh-out-loud manifesto, you’ll learn:

• How to weaponize memories and keep score like a petty champion
• Why ghosting is easier than emotional maturity (but also way lonelier)
• How backhanded compliments can turn brunch into battlefield
• The fine art of vague social media cries for help
• What your “boundaries” are really hiding (spoiler: it’s fear of intimacy)

Packed with brutal honesty, razor-sharp wit, and just enough truth to make you squirm (and then self-reflect), this book isn’t just a comedy—it’s a mirror. Whether you’re the drama, or recovering from it, you’ll find comfort, clarity, and a surprising amount of emotional wisdom hiding under all the sarcasm.
Fans of:

• The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck* by Mark Manson
• You're Not That Great (but Neither is Anyone Else) by Elan Gale
• Surrounded by Idiots by Thomas Erikson
• How to Be Perfect by Michael Schur

...will laugh, cringe, and maybe even heal a little.
Perfect for:

• Recovering people-pleasers with a dark sense of humor
• Petty queens and kings looking for a redemption arc
• Anyone who's ever said “I'm fine” but meant “start the intervention”

Warning: This book may cause unexpected self-awareness, spontaneous apologies, and the urge to send a “Hey, I’ve been a jerk” text at 2:00 AM. Side effects may include healthier relationships, emotional intelligence, and being... slightly less terrible.

Get in immediately!