I Can't Even Think Straight

By: Dean Atta

Narrated by: Dean Atta

In this emotional novel in verse by the Stonewall Award–winning author of The Black Flamingo, a queer biracial teen confronts issues of race, privilege, class, and sexuality on his journey to falling in love.

Kai knows who he is to others: The good grandson, the reliable best friend, the romantic backup. But he doesn’t quite know who he is to himself.

Kai wants to come out at school, but his best friend there, Matt, stays closeted for fear of getting kicked out by his conservative parents—and wants Kai to do the same. Kai unhappily agrees, but when a rumor goes around that Kai and Matt are dating, Matt starts acting differently anyway.

Kai’s other best friend, Vass, is proudly nonbinary and thinks Matt is a negative influence—though maybe that’s just their crush on Kai talking. Kai has always turned to writing to express his emotions, but when his on-page emotions erupt into the real world, he might just be putting the delicate balance of his life at risk.

Told with Dean Atta’s signature lyricism and candor, this deeply feeling story explores the complexities of crushes, navigating identity, and coming out.