Never Enough

When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic-and What We Can Do About It

By: Jennifer Breheny Wallace

Narrated by: Jennifer Breheny Wallace

AN INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER

The definitive book on the rise of “toxic achievement culture” overtaking our kids' and parents' lives, and a new framework for fighting back

In the ever more competitive race to secure the best possible future, today’s students face unprecedented pressure to succeed. They jam-pack their schedules with AP classes, fill every waking hour with resume-padding activities, and even sabotage relationships with friends to “get ahead.” Family incomes and schedules are stretched to the breaking point by tutoring fees and athletic schedules. Yet this drive to optimize performance has only resulted in skyrocketing rates of anxiety, depression, and even self-harm in America’s highest achieving schools. Parents, educators, and community leaders are facing the same quandary: how can we teach our kids to strive towards excellence without crushing them?

In Never Enough, award-winning reporter Jennifer Breheny Wallace investigates the deep roots of toxic achievement culture, and finds out what we must do to fight back. Drawing on interviews with families, educators, and an original survey of nearly 6,000 parents, she exposes how the pressure to perform is not a matter of parental choice but baked in to our larger society and spurred by increasing income inequality and dwindling opportunities. As a result, children are increasingly absorbing the message that they have no value outside of their accomplishments, a message that is reinforced by the media and greater culture at large.

Through deep research and interviews with today’s leading child psychologists, Wallace shows what kids need from the adults in the room is not more pressure, but to feel like they matter, and have intrinsic self-worth not contingent upon external achievements. Parents and educators who adopt the language and values of mattering help children see themselves as a valuable contributor to a larger community. And in an ironic twist, kids who receive consistent feedback that they matter no matter what are more likely to have the resilience, self-confidence, and psychological security to thrive.

Packed with memorable stories and offering a powerful toolkit for positive change, Never Enough offers an urgent, humane view of the crisis plaguing today’s teens and a practical framework for how to help.

A book every worried parent needs to read

Can’t say enough about how much this book puts into words - in a wonderful conversational style filled with real people’s stories, expert advice, and research findings - so many of the stressors, worries, and difficulties so many teens and parents are going through right now. From subtle nuances, like when espousing the “growth mindset” can be harmful, to artful reframing and reminders, I enjoyed every single chapter and also thought the author did a wonderful job reading the book, like a helpful and generous friend passing on what she has learned over time. Love the message, love the focus on mattering. Thank you for writing this book.

The book this generation of parents need for themselves and their kids

As a practicing school psychologist, I can’t save enough positive things about this book. A breath of fresh air for families and permission to do the things that really matter most for their children’s long term happiness

Excellent for Parents

Well thought out, easy read. Anyone with kids should read this book. Learned so much! Thanks Jennifer!

Interesting topic.

Discusses and analyzes some interesting points about achievement culture in schools and how it may impact society in general. Sometimes, the material gets repetitive, but still worth a listen.

Convicting!

Thoughtful convicting research about the pressures our society and we as parents put on our children. A mental health crisis is growing, especially in high school age kids, with all the pressure they feel with social media, grades, club sports, college, etc. Jennifer offers advice on how to make our children know they matter without adding more pressure.