Nice Meeting You

By: Phil Torcivia

Narrated by: Virtual Voice

Why am I still single?

Another six months has passed and not much has changed. I’m still hopelessly single, which isn’t great, but it doesn’t suck either. It’s hard to explain and even harder for me to justify, even to myself. Like most humans, I enjoy mating (minus the annoying cleanup and byproducts). I was married for thirteen years, most of which were enjoyable. Yet, the longer I am single, the less tolerant I am about inviting someone into my space. I’ve become a bit of a recluse. In fact, I even got rid of my cell phone to avoid having my bliss interrupted by babble. What’s wrong with me? Are men defined by the women we keep? Every time I meet a new woman and confess (OK, brag) that I am single, she tilts her head and wonders, or asks me if: 1. I am gay. 2. I am married and lying. 3. I just got out of prison. 4. I have major issues and minor sex organs. 5. I am a player. It’s not fair. I don’t deserve to be judged. I mean, heck, when I meet a hot single woman over thirty I make no such assumptions. My main concern is how likely my pursuing her will result in having my ass handed to me by her husband/boyfriend/father. Whatever. Maybe I’m destined to be isolated in a beach house somewhere with my two insane felines. I’m sure they’d appreciate the world’s largest litter box. I hope you enjoy my essays, which I write almost daily. They are inspired mostly by the silly mating rituals I witness while out in San Diego watering holes. I watch, judge, twist, and exaggerate the social interaction into words, which I hope you can relate to, understand, or at least find humorous.

Cheers!