Patient, Female

Stories

By: Julie Schumacher

Narrated by: Hillary Huber, Lisa Flanagan, Jenn Lee, Alex Picard, Anne Marie Lewis, Jess Moran

“Shrewd, sage, and so darkly funny.”—Claire Lombardo, author of The Most Fun We Ever Had

From the New York Times bestselling author of Dear Committee Members, a collection of wryly funny stories about ordinary women—in all their complexity, fallibility, and humanity.

An unsuspecting couple is treated to a luxury vacation by their deceased neighbor. After begrudgingly agreeing to volunteer at a nursing home, a middle school girl gambles over games of bridge with elderly residents. A single mother struggles to understand the unique bond between her autistic son and his dying grandmother. Four friends experience decades of highs and lows as pawns in The Game of Life. A professional gynecology patient runs into a high school flame while at work, undressed, on the job.

In this irreverent collection, celebrated novelist Julie Schumacher balances sorrow against laughter. Here, we experience story not only as narrative, but as syllabus and as board game. Each protagonist—ranging from girlhood to senescence—receives her own indelible voice as she navigates social blunders, generational misunderstandings, and the absurdity of the human experience. Exquisitely honest and expertly crafted, Patient, Female renders—with dark humor and wit—the foibles of human behavior and our endearing imperfections.

©2026 by Julie Schumacher (P)2026 Blackstone Publishing