Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed

Sixteen Writers on the Decision Not to Have Kids

By: Meghan Daum

Narrated by: Johnny Heller, Jo Anna Perrin

One of the main topics of cultural conversation during the last decade was the supposed "fertility crisis" and whether modern women could figure out a way to have it all - a successful, demanding career and the required 2.3 children - before their biological clocks stopped ticking. Now, however, conversation has turned to whether it's necessary to have it all (see Anne-Marie Slaughter) or, perhaps more controversial, whether children are really a requirement for a fulfilling life. The idea that some women and men prefer not to have children is often met with sharp criticism and incredulity by the public and mainstream media. In this provocative and controversial collection of essays curated by writer Meghan Daum, 16 acclaimed writers explain why they have chosen to eschew parenthood. Contributors include Lionel Shriver, Sigrid Nunez, Kate Christiensen, Elliott Holt, Geoff Dyer, and Tim Kreider, among others, who will give a unique perspective on the overwhelming cultural pressure of parenthood. Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed makes a thoughtful and passionate case for why parenthood is not the only path in life, taking our parent-centric, kid-fixated, baby-bump-patrolling culture to task in the process. What emerges is a more nuanced, diverse view of what it means to live a full, satisfying life.

©2015 Meghan Daum (P)2015 Tantor

Critic reviews

"[This book] infuses every single thing we do and are." ( Publishers Weekly)

Pretty good read, I wish it included larger diversity in the experiences narrated by the writers.

I did not read the whole thing because all the writers (up until I stopped reading) did not resemble my situation and I could not relate to their worries or thoughts. I will definitely recommend this book for my wife but I, as a straight man, did not relate much to the writers. Maybe this is a book aimed to women but the title did not express that. I wish it talked more about how to live with the choices you’ve made and perhaps what the future has in store for you based on the experiences of others.

Fantastic

Great perspectives for anyone - including those with children. I don't have kids and it was lovely to hear the rationale behind other people's decisions. I came to my 'no children' decision from other circumstances, but yet wholeheartedly identify with these thoughtful women who came similar decisions after significant reflection. Great book all around.

Ok, I get it

While this is an excellent subject for exploration, by the time the ninth story begins to play, the listener realizes that 16 writers is too many by about half. Writers who have chosen not to have children may not be selfish, but they certainly are sanctimonious. This may have been better to read than to hear as an audiobook. Lionel Shriver’s essay is the best of the collection.

Loved it!! Excellent real life, thoughtful stories

Thank you for creating this book, and for everyone sharing their honest thoughts and experiences! It’s helped so much to realize if we don’t want kids, it’s totally ok and normal. And we can also create lives and experiences and relationships that are fulfilling and rich.

Not Great for Audio

I overall enjoyed the idea behind this book, being childless myself. There were some different viewpoints, though a few sounded like pretty much the same story over again.

My problem with this in audio format was twofold. 1 - Though there were 16 writers, there were only 2 narrators, and (personal preference) I did not love either of them. O ly having two narrators was an issue because 2 - The chapters were not labeled with their title, which seems like it would include the author. That would have been helpful because when I heard about another woman who has similar struggles to the last 3 women, I couldn't always tell which story I was on. In my mind they just became woman of Chapter 10. That didn't actually help so when many women with a similar stories were being told by the same voice, I ended up getting many of the stories mixed up in my head.

I have been listening to audiobooks for years, to be fair, never a collection of essays about real life stories, and I never have issues keeping facts straight or following storyline. I think this is probably a great read in paper or ebook, but due of the lack of properly titled chapters, and only 2 narrators, it isn't a very fun audiobook.