Something About Jesus

Leaving Church and Following Jesus Out the Door

By: Tori Beck

Narrated by: Tori Beck

Tori Beck grew up thinking that God was always on the verge of hating her.

God didn't seem like a being she wanted to like, but she also didn't want to be on his bad side. As a result, she did everything in her power to please him. As she grew up and listened to the stories of others—through jail ministry, walking alongside friends struggling with addiction, suicidal ideation, and self-harm, working on a Native American reservation, traveling abroad, and all of the things she learned through college and grad school—her experience became increasingly incongruent with what she thought she believed.

This incongruence built up for many years until she couldn't take it anymore: She pulled one block from her carefully constructed tower of theology, and it toppled without hesitation.

Tori's remaining pieces of faith seemed hopeless, so she thought about walking away completely. Why bother when it seemed like there was nothing redeemable left in Christianity? What was the point when she had become such a problem in her faith circles?

But she couldn't shake what she was beginning to learn about Jesus, now with fresh eyes; she couldn't help but take another look.

Something About Jesus is a memoir about her process of deconstruction, searching, questioning, raging, and getting to know the Jesus that was there all along while being pushed out of church spaces for "straying."

The process of her deconstruction was long, winding, and at times, excruciating. But another reality competes for prominence in this story: it was all worth it. The freedom and peace she found on this side of deconstruction is unmatched. Best of all, she has finally come to know the Jesus who was hidden from her for so long.

©2026 Tori Beck (P)2026 Tori Beck