The Diary of a Trumped Up Nobody

a literary mashup

By: Tim Wapshott

Narrated by: Virtual Voice

Determined to take American progress back at least 100 years, a quirk of fate sees Trump and his assorted dodgy crew instantly transported back in time: to Victorian England. It’s a land he dreams of, and one yet to progress with vaccines or education, or even ways to arrest and convict crooked City conmen. The rest is re-written history! This time-swapping literary mashup rewrites Trump's destiny. Now on genuine hard times, the former guy has slithered from The White House and Trumped Up Tower back in time to a tiny terraced house in quaint Victorian London. He spars endlessly with familiar family and foes including Donald Junior, Melania, Cohen, Giuliani, Ye, Epstein, Huckabee, DeSantis, Manafort, McConnell, Murdoch, and many, many more.

With apologies to George Grossmith, The Diary of a Trumped Up Nobody updates his classic as never before. Once the Leader of the Free World, here DJT is finally rendered harmless in a smokey London backwater. His new diary of banal observations and cringing innermost thoughts Makes America Grate once more…

January 23.—I asked Donald Jnr to try and change the hard brushes, he recently made me a present of, for some softer ones, as my hair-dresser tells me I ought not to brush my hair too much just now.

I kept dreaming of Mr. Putin and Mr. Murdoch. The latter was in a lovely palace with a crown on. Mr. Putin was waiting in the room. Mr. Murdoch kept taking off this crown and handing it to me, and calling me 'President'. He appeared to take no notice of Mr. Putin, and I kept asking Mr. Murdoch to give the crown to my worthy master. Mr. Murdoch kept saying: “No, this is the White House of Washington, and you must keep your crown, Mr. President."

I know Stormy. She would wait ten years for me.

I am very sorry about those Theranos Chlorates; it would not have happened if the boss, Madoff, had been in town. Between ourselves, you must not be surprised if something goes wrong at our office. Madoff has not been seen the last few days, and it strikes me several people do want to see him very particularly.