The One You Want to Marry (And Other Identities I've Had)

A Memoir

By: Sophie Santos, Joey Soloway - introduction

Narrated by: Sophie Santos

A hilarious and heartfelt memoir about finding your true voice by Sophie Santos, the fearless comic and host of The Lesbian Agenda.

From the self-proclaimed Queen of the Stunted Late Bloomers and one of the most exciting emerging voices in comedy comes an honestly funny memoir about the awkward, cringeworthy, hilarious, and longest possible journey of coming of age and into her own.

The only child of a perpetually transferring Filipino-Spanish US Army officer and a spitfire nurse, Sophie Santos spent her early years starting over again and again - and accumulating her fair share of anxieties. Growing up in 99.6 percent white communities, where girls had to learn to flash Vaseline-capped smiles before they’d be considered real women, Sophie adapted. Determined to fit in, she transformed from a tomboy misfit into a hormone-crazed beauty pageant contestant and a southern sorority girl, among other personalities. She nailed each role she took on, not shockingly, but nothing seemed to fit her true self.

In her twenties, floundering and locked in her bedroom with lesbian YouTube clips playing on repeat, Sophie began to understand that her true self might be more tomboy misfit than Southern belle. That realization set her off on a journey that led her through an unexpected lesbian puberty and eventually toward a New York comedy career.

©2021 by Sophie Santos. (P)2021 Brilliance Publishing, Inc., all rights reserved.

Critic reviews

“[A] hilarious, identity-affirming memoir…a must read for anyone who has ever struggled to just be.”—Shondaland

“Her breezy tone feels intimate and makes the more serious and somber moments—such as her first comprehension of race (and the term ‘ethnically ambiguous’), her struggles with mental health, and rueful admissions of having mistreated former girlfriends—hit all the harder. LGBTQ millennials are sure to find a kindred spirit, warts and all, in these clever pages.”—Publishers Weekly

“Sophie Santos isn’t your average comedian…she details the plot points of her own life—like constant moves due to her dad’s gig in the Army and her stint in pageantry—with hilarious aplomb.”—Entertainment Weekly

Funny and realistic

Is not predictable and it made me laugh out loud. Feels modern and depicts how hard it is to find a mate!

It was fine

It was fine. An interesting, but not earth shattering wander through the author's life as she struggled to find her own sexual identity. Proof that life is messy. I would call it droll, but not "hilarious".

If you enjoy WHGS, you'll love Sophie Santos

This is a long audio book, but enjoyable for lots of driving. It spans Sophie's life from early childhood to the present and will have you chuckle hard at times. As a 33 year old American woman in 2021, this audiobook has a ton of relatable material through childhood and college, and world events. Lots of brilliant and absurd gay memories, along with a lot of family love. I hope to see Sophie Santos write more and perform more.

sophie, you’re my hero

I didn’t want this to be over. it was such a joy to read this (well, listen to sophie read it.) It’s really incredible to feel not alone and laugh along with your adventures. Thank you for this, for you, for all of it.

Great impressions

I love the way she mimics accents.
Her comedic timing is perfect.
She makes very serious topics humorous in a wonderful way.