The Secret Life of Grief

A Memoir

By: Tanja Pajevic

Narrated by: Tanja Pajevic

When Tanja Pajevic’s mother died, she felt alone and unsupported. She didn’t want her grief to sideline her, as it had when her father died. This time around, she wanted to grieve consciously. But how? In a society that no longer has clear rituals or traditions around grief, Tanja set out to create her own. As the weeks and months passed, Tanja, a first-generation Serbian-American woman, delved into her anger, rage and sorrow, as well as explored the complicated issue of forgiveness. Along the way, she explored the rise and fall of communal mourning in the United States, as well as its roots in the current medical model.

Tanja also examined ingrained family patterns she was ready to release—all while raising two young children and dealing with a husband facing his own challenges. Throughout, she reassessed and reconfigured her life, reconnected with her true self and found redemption and healing, as well as joy. Written in fierce, honest prose, The Secret Life of Grief is a book for anyone who isn’t willing to “pull it together” and act like nothing’s wrong. The Secret Life of Grief is a book for those of us who believe in the transformative power of loss. And it’s a book for those of us who believe in love.

©2016 Tanja Pajevic (P)2025 Tanja Pajevic

Beautiful!

Well delivered. Amazing story. Well Done! As a person who has also experienced several family members who have passed, this story explores how we navigate grief in a palpable way.

Honest, emotional, poignant

Tanja skillfully shares the painful process of grieving for a loved one, in this case her mother. She weaves into her memoir the family and cultural history that shaped her process and how, over time and with purposeful intention, she was able to heal her broken heart. Much of what she learned along the way is useful for anyone who has gone through the loss of a loved one.

Touched, moved & very inspired!

Very well written Memoir about not just losing your parents and becoming an adult orphan, but a guidebook to the myriad practices, rituals and remembrance of our loved ones lost. I could relate so much to Tanja's perfectionism, self criticism and anger towards her father. I recently l I st my father, as well, after losing my Mom two decades before. Tanja beautifully and poignantly wrote about what it's like to lose your parent, the emptiness left behind and how it changes and transforms you. Her Memoir was profoundly touching and also comforting to hear how profoundly others grieve the loss of having that support, those pillars of your childhood. I could rela r e to her wild, rebellious spirit and how she learned that the best you can do right now is usually much more than enough!

I just completed her Memoir Mastery nine week grief course, give or take, and it seriously was wonderful: informative, eye opening, spiritual and fun! I've finally started my own Memoir about the sudden murder of my Dad and how deeply these wounds are barely starting to heal Writing a Memoir is the most emotionally confronting type of book that an author could attempt to write, but it's definitely worth it! I've really enjoyed reading Tanja's brilliant, insightful book and am excited that she has helped me create a strong foundation for my first Memoir and realizing my dream! Namaste. 🙏 📖📒🧘‍♀️💕