The Witch

Saccharin Valley Twits, Book 2

By: Polly Esther Rayon

Narrated by: Katrina Lenk

Did you read, and have a love-hate relationship with, Sweet Valley books in the mid-80s to late 90s? Do you also have an affinity for fantasy and horror? Then this parody is for you. All the kids at Saccharin Valley Middle School say the Morrison mansion is haunted. So when Fallon Morrison moves into the crumbling Victorian house, the rumors spread fast. Jessica Wastefeld and her friends are convinced that the new girl is a witch. But Jessica’s identical twin sister, Elizabeth, is sure that Fallon is just an ordinary girl. She’s determined to stick up for her new friend. Fallon has her own agenda, especially when Jessica and her friends start being mean to her. Is Fallon really a witch? Well, duh.

The Witch is a "horror-parody" of books I used to read obsessively as a child and later realized are... problematic. The Witch combines elements of satire and horror, and is kind of meta. If it sounds familiar, it's inspired by the third book in the actual series, but I took its premise and twisted it beyond recognition, because the original plot really annoyed me. Added original characters (whom you’ll have met in Book One). The original series were aimed at preteen girls, and this book is based on the particular series where the twins are young enough to encounter supernatural events (many of their “Super Chillers” were ghost stories). So while there’s no blatant sexuality or violence, and it follows the rules of the original series, it might be better appreciated by someone 13 or older. There’s definitely some dark humor, and “magical” violence.

©2014 Lara Pontiff (P)2025 Lara Pontiff