When I Married My Mother

A Daughter's Search for What Really Matters - and How She Found It Caring for Mama Jo

By: Jo Maeder

Narrated by: Jo Maeder

A city-loving, single New York DJ braces for disaster when she reluctantly moves to the Bible Belt to care for her estranged, doll-obsessed, hoarder mother. What unfolds in this best-selling memoir is a hilarious, heartbreaking love story that sees eldercare and making peace with the past in a most unexpected way.

"This book is important to every mother and daughter, and to every woman who wants to be one." (Maya Angelou)

©2009, 2014 Jo Maeder (P)2016 Jo Maeder

Critic reviews

"Hilarious, poignant, and utterly relevant to all of us facing adulthood with aging parents. Jo Maeder perfectly nails the unique combination of love and frustration that so many of us have felt. And her mother!! Mama Jo is a character I won't soon forget. I adored this book." (Hope Edelman)

“Who knew aging, memory-impaired mothers could surprise their reluctantly dutiful daughters? Jo’s counter-intuitive take on caring for Mama Jo speaks to the resilience in late-life family care relationships. As author and memoirist, Jo delighted participants at Duke’s Alzheimer’s conference by encouraging them to seek fresh, positive, and personal perspectives on caring.” (Lisa P. Gwyhter, MSW, co-author The Alzheimer’s Action Plan: A Family Guide, Director of Duke Aging Center Family Support Program)

"A humorous and always touching account of how Maeder went from dreading caring for 'Mama Jo' to cherishing every minute with her. This generous gift of a book explores the mystery of how doing the right thing can, in the end, become infinitely more." (Tommy Hays)

humorous & heartrending tale of mother/child/aging

this book caught my eye when it popped up on Audible as something I might like, partly because I had been touched by George Hodgman's Bettyville when I read it in 2017; that author was like this one in that they both left successful careers & big city life in NY to go to places of much slower pace & different vibe to care for elderly mothers; I am 63 & my mom is thankfully doing OK on her own at 89 but I wish I still lived 20 minutes from her instead of 6 hours away as she could use more company & assistance; more & more I see my contemporaries caught in webs of multigenerational family; like everything, this has its pros & cons, but people live longer & longer & spread out further & have children later, & cost of living continually increases ... ; adults who have reached "empty nest"/senior citizen status themselves & could be coasting through retirement, may be closely parenting young adult children, & caring for both grandchildren & elderly parents, some while continuing full time careers; this is one thing if the parties live close, but quite another if there is significant travel to get between home base & where services are needed; the reality is very different when $ is not a concern vs when it is tight; I applaud the honesty & humor of the thoughts & emotions of the author as she finds her way on an unexpected life detour; it is both stifling & a blessing to be in a period between focusing primarily on one's own life & providing service to others/ as is often the case, the servant is as blessed as the one served; our roots do matter; I did not appreciate the frequent use of 4 letter words beginning with S & F, & southern Protestant church/religion/Christianity bashing, but did understand the culture clash being portrayed & that the author was sorting things out during the course of her journey; I was greatly touched by the tender detailed story & glad I listened to it; though there are many excellent narrator performances, I always appreciate author's reading their own works as Jo Maeder did; God really does know what He is doing &, like the song says, has the whole world in His hands

Perfect Timing!

We are about to move my mother in with us and I was scared, but this book has soothed my nerves. It will be a blessing!

A must read for grown up children

A MUST READ for every daughter. No matter what relations you have with your Mom, you can always make it better. Call your Momma today, before it is too late... And listen to this awesome memoir!

Great Mother and Daughter Story

This reminds me of the time I had mom in her final years. I made me nostalgic for two years ago. I miss my mom everyday. Thanks for a touching memorial to love.

Engrossing and page turning read

This book kept me intrigued and entertained. The author was insightful without being cruel and was willing to look her situation in the mirror in a way that was vulnerable and tender. Months later, I still think of this book.

Now it has become apparent that the mother in this book likely struggled with some type of neurodivergence, perhaps autism, that was never diagnosed, yet profoundly impacted her quality of life and the relationships she had with family and friends. Her daughter never mentions this, but the collecting of so many dolls, being overwhelmed with changes to routine, and her unfiltered language all point to something like this. Her daughter doesn't need a diagnosis for her mom though. She is able to use compassion and personal introspection to understand her. This is a memorable read that I highly recommend.