You Can Keep That to Yourself

A Comprehensive List of What Not to Say to Black People, for Well-Intentioned People of Pallor

By: Adam Smyer

Narrated by: Donald Faison

At long last, a much-needed guidebook for well-intentioned people of pallor on what not to say to their African American “friends.”

“A balm for tongues bitten and comments swallowed . . . A bitingly humorous compendium of the absurd subtle racism of the American workplace.” —Kirkus Reviews

Greetings, well-intentioned person of pallor.

Your good intentions used to be enough. But in these diverse and divisive times, some people would hold you accountable for your actions. You were not raised for such unfairness. You need help. And help you now have.

Let Daquan—that black coworker you are referring to when you claim to have black friends—help you navigate perilous small talk with African Americans with this handy field guide. This portable bit of emotional labor puts at your fingertips a tabbed and alphabetized list of things not to say to black people. Finally!

How to use: Keep this handbook close. Whenever you are confronted with an African American and you feel compelled to blurt out an observation about her hair or to liken your Tesla lease to slavery, ask for a moment to consult this reference. She’ll wait. If the keen insight you want to share is listed herein, You Can Keep That to Yourself. It truly is that easy!

Critic reviews

In this slim and witty volume, attorney Smyer collects an alphabetized short list of things not to say to African-Americans . . . Each entry is designed to strip away the hypocrisy and half-truths of these cultural exchanges by laughing at them. Smyer’s hilarious sampler offers astute observations on race and culture.—Publishers Weekly

By turns funny, sarcastic, and possibly true for many Black (and non-Black) Americans . . . While there is humor throughout, there is also a strong sense of anger, annoyance, and weariness when it comes to the Black experience in Trump’s America. And though Smyer is addressing white people specifically, his humor can be appreciated by anyone who needs a good chuckle (and an education).—Library Journal

It reminds me of the dictionary, which is helpful because it is a dictionary in its own category. For its purpose of education and enjoyment, I say it met the mark.—San Francisco Book Review

Using humor, Smyer relays harsh truths about U.S. race relations . . . With a tongue-in-cheek tone, Smyer offers an accessible critique of Whiteness in America . . . Smyer models for us how to use humor and candor to fight back against the microassaults, microinsults, and microinvalidations suffered by marginalized and racialized communities of color.—Colors of Influence

Couldn’t keep this gem to myself!

This was such an enjoyable audiobook. Everything from the delivery of Donald Faison’s voice as he read through each word was so satisfying and much needed. I love the short explanations and antidotes of the author, Adam Smyer and his ability to mesh feelings with reality and tackling societal pitfalls and blunders of not keeping things to oneself. Great way to break up a work lunch or listen as you take an afternoon walk.