You Will Not Recognize Your Life

By: Micaela Blei

Narrated by: Micaela Blei

Can you really conjure the life of your dreams? And what if you say the wrong spell?

It’s 2006. After a string of rejections from men who tell her they could never, ever, ever see her “that way,” awkward third-grade teacher Micaela Blei signs up for a mysterious course called “The Divine Feminine,” and feels like she might have found the key to the perfect life.

Turns out if you’re an A student, you can get an A in anything–including men. Pretty soon she’s learning to "conjure" her desires with vision boards, flirtations, and even a daring jumbotron viewing party for her, ahem ... "divine center." But the more Micaela aces her assignments, and watches her most unlikely dreams come true, the more she wonders: Is her perfect new life the real thing, or is there a hidden cost to getting everything she thought she wanted?

Women have put themselves through a lot of f*cked up situations to feel valued and lovable. This is a sharply funny, often painfully relatable true story featuring the great tropes of early 2000s romantic comedies: self-discovery, dating disasters, epic makeover montages, and finding love where you never thought to look.

Praise for Micaela’s storytelling:

"Ms. Blei’s story was magical and riveting ... in the end, you really wanted her to be your teacher." (Lara O’Brien, MV Times)

“Micaela is a storytelling wizard. She transforms the stuff of everyday life into profound stories that move people–and make them laugh.” (Tyler Wetherall, author of No Way Home: A Memoir of Life on the Run and Amphibian)

“Micaela Blei's storytelling is fresh, hilarious, and surprisingly moving.” (Sarah Moore, Theatre Is Easy)

©2024 Micaela Blei (P)2024 Audible Originals, LLC.

This is about real life.

Micaela writes about real experiences that people can relate to. I live how she talks about over coming her bodily hang ups in the moment. I know the time passes but she meets herself where she is at. I think we could use a little more love of our pussies.

ABSOLUTELY a must read!

For anyone who's ever felt like they weren't "enough," anyone who enjoys laughing hysterically, remembering hard times and how you overcame them, for anyone who enjoys remembering you are NOT ALONE! Thank you for this brilliant, brutally honest memoir about loving yourself (no, really figuring out how to do it and being brave about all the pain and ugliness that comes up along the way). READ THIS NOW! You will love it!

Loved this so much

I almost signed up for the School of the Womanly Arts in 2011, but I was raised in a hippie cult, so I didn’t do it but had friends who did. What a honest, funny, clear eyed take on it figuring out how to love the skin you’re in. Love you very much. Big hugs.

Great storytelling

I listened to this after a 6 days of wildfires in LA - I was desperately looking for something that would make me smile. And this did! I laughed out loud and enjoyed this so much. I haven’t hardly smiled much less laughed for days.
Thank you!

Pu**y Power?

The concept of this book was so far fetched that I had to keep reminding myself that it was a true story!!

It was well written and verbalized so well, and I could relate to the character in so many ways, which made me truly proud of her for what she was able to overcome by changing her mindset.

I only wish that the story was longer and she talked more about when she came to the realization that she wasn’t being her authentic self and how/if she were able to be more authentic and still use her new found power.