17. Why You Keep Having the Same Fight (Part 1): The Pattern

Conflict in marriage is inevitable, but the way you handle it can either build trust or slowly drain the relationship.

In this episode, Brent and I are sharing what conflict looked like over 12 years together… and the patterns that didn’t work: peacekeeping that turned into resentment, arguing to win, shutting down, and trying to “hold space” in a way that left one of us voiceless.

We talk about:

1. Why “we never fight” isn’t the goal
2. How resentment builds when you avoid hard conversations
3. What happens when conflict becomes a debate
4. The “Cinnabon argument” that exposed our losing strategies
5. A real fight from this week and the small shift that helped us repair

This is Part 1 — heavy on how it used to be, and why we stayed stuck for so long.

Come back next week for Part 2, where we’ll share what we’re doing now that’s helping us have healthier conflict, recover faster, and actually feel connected on the other side.