232. Impulse Control vs Distress Tolerance | Which Skill Matters More?

Self-monitoring is the skill that quietly changes everything: focus, impulse control, distress tolerance, and even conflict at home and school. In this Overpowering Emotions episode, Dr. Caroline teaches educators, parents, and mental health professionals how to build self-monitoring as a trainable skill—not a sticker chart, not a punishment, and not a “catch them when they’re already melting down” plan.You’ll learn how to start with behaviours kids already know (think: a task they can do on autopilot), set a clear target using Dr. Caroline’s SOAP criteria, create a simple tracking system, and use cues like timers or classroom chimes to help kids “pause and check.” You’ll also hear how to reinforce the right thing early on: accurate awareness, even when the child wasn’t on task.If you support kids with ADHD, anxiety, big feelings, classroom disruptions, or sibling conflict, this episode gives you practical language, ready-to-use examples, and a step-by-step way to grow independence—without nagging, shame, or power struggles.Homework activities for adults (plus resources to prep)Homework A: Pick the “easy win” targetChoose a behaviour during a task the child already knows well (not new learning).Write the target using SOAP:Specific: exactly what they will doObservable: you can see/hear itAppropriate: fits the settingPersonal: fits the child’s levelResource: a one-sentence target + a short list of examples/non-examples.Homework B: Build a simple self-monitoring formPick ONE method:Checklist (multi-step tasks like chores/writing)Rating scale (how well did I stay in my seat?)Tally count (each time I raised my hand)Resource: a paper tracking card or a simple note page; add smiley faces/stickers for younger kids.Homework C: Add a cueUse a timer, smartwatch, chime, or an adult signal (thumbs up).Start frequent (short intervals), then stretch it out gradually.Resource: phone timer or classroom chime; choose a cue word (“focus check,” “chore check”).Homework D: Reinforce accuracy, not perfectionWhen the cue goes off, compare adult rating + child rating.Reward matching ratings, even if the child marked “No, I wasn’t on track.”Resource: a small, immediate reinforcer list (attention, short break, points, sticker, choice).Homework E: Baseline + graph (optional, powerful)Track the behaviour for 3–5 occasions across several days.Graph it so the child can see progress.Resource: a simple bar chart on paper, or dots on a chart.Enjoying the show? Help out by rating this podcast on Apple to help others get access to this information too! apple.co/3ysFijh Follow Dr. Caroline YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@dr.carolinebuzankoIG: https://www.instagram.com/dr.carolinebuzanko/ LinkedIn: https://ca.linkedin.com/in/dr-caroline-buzankoFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrCarolineBuzanko/Website: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/Resources: https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/resources/articles-child-resilience-well-being-psychology/ Business inquiries: https://korupsychology.ca/contact-us/Want to learn more about helping kids strengthen their emotion regulation skills and problem-solving brains while boosting their confidence, independence, and resilience? Check out my many training opportunities! https://drcarolinebuzanko.com/upcoming-events/