Assertiveness for Leaders: Breaking the People-Pleasing Pattern

Did you know your brain processes a 'social rejection'exactly like physical pain? That's why saying 'no' to your boss feels like a survival threat. Today, I'm showing you how to re-wire that response.In this miniseries episode, I explore the Please Me Patternand why people-pleasing behaviour keeps you trapped in cycles of overcommitment, resentment, and burnout. I share the neuroscience behind why rejection feels like physical pain, reveal a powerful client breakthrough with a narcissistic boss, and give you practical tools to set boundaries without guilt. Whether you struggle to say no at work or find yourself constantly organising everything for everyone, this episode will show you how to break free from people-pleasing for good. What You Will Learn:💡 Why your brain treats rejection like touching a hot stove - and how this survival mechanism keeps you saying yes when you should say no 💡 The exact moment a people-pleasing lawyer stood up to her manipulative boss and what happened next (spoiler: no consequences, just respect) 💡 A simple four-letter framework for giving difficult feedback that protects your boundaries while maintaining relationships Here’s to your leadership development and personal growth! Estelle Read Bestselling Author, Executive Coach & Speaker Timestamps:(00:00) Introduction: This Stops People Pleasing(02:47) The Please Me Pattern: Why saying no feelsterrifying(03:27) The lawyer who couldn't stop pleasing people(03:51) The drowning man analogy(04:41) Core fear: Rejection and abandonment(05:10) Why we can't survive without parental love(06:13) Rejection activates the same brain area as physicalpain(07:18) Childhood origins of people-pleasing behaviour(09:16) How people-pleasing shows up at work(10:11) The imbalance in relationships and resentment(12:28) Developing your inner captain vs inner critic(15:01) Client story: The people-pleaser at flight risk(16:15) Using havening to find the root cause(17:48) The breakthrough: Standing up to the narcissisticboss(18:48) How boundaries transformed her friendships too(19:39) The mindset shift: Self-validation and journaling(20:41) Assertiveness training: Ken and Kate Back(21:16) Getting rid of people-pleasing triggers withhavening(22:00) The SBI+R model for difficult feedback(23:20) Setting clear boundaries and raising awareness(24:32) Micro action: Assertive phrases for your back pocket(25:12) Resources: Run a Tight Ship chapter(25:58) Next episode: The Be Perfect Pattern(26:10) Subscribe and connect with me⭐Help Us Keep Growing & Going:If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe whereveryou listen or watch, leave a review or share it with someone who might benefit. Thank you ❤️. ⭐Listen or Watch on YouTube:🎧Listen on your favourite podcast platform here: https://estelleread.com/podcast/📺Watch on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@EstelleRead/podcasts ⭐Follow Estelle Read: https://linktr.ee/EstelleAtBeee ⭐Access Resources or Book a Free Discovery Call:⁠https://estelleread.com/resources/⁠ ⭐Estelle Read’s Coaching Programmes:🌟⁠The Resilient Leader Programme: SHINE⁠🌟⁠The Optimised Leader Programme: NEXT LEVEL⁠ ⭐Buy Estelle Read’s Bestselling Book:⁠Inner Brilliance, Outer Shine: 10 Antidotes to Imposter Syndrome, Workaholism and Stress ⁠ ⭐Subscribe to Estelle Read’s Blog: ⁠Receive my free workbook: 10 Antidotes to Imposter Syndrome, Workaholism & Stress,when you sign up. ⁠ ⭐Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational purposes only and shouldnot be considered professional advice. Please consult a qualified professional for specific advice.