Counselling Tutor Podcast Podcast By Ken Kelly and Rory Lees-Oakes cover art

Counselling Tutor Podcast

Counselling Tutor Podcast

By: Ken Kelly and Rory Lees-Oakes
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Counsellor CPD- Training and Counselling Student Resources Education
Episodes
  • 370 – Grounding Techniques in Counselling Practice

    370 – Grounding Techniques in Counselling Practice
    Mar 21 2026
    Understanding ARFID - Finding Your First Supervisor In Episode 370 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly take us through this week’s three topics: Firstly, in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, they explore grounding techniques in counselling practice, highlighting key techniques every counsellor should know and why these skills are essential for safe, trauma-informed work. Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Bernie Wright and Lisa Smith about ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) – what it is, how it presents, and why it is often misunderstood, particularly in neurodivergent individuals. And finally, in ‘Student Services’, Rory, Ken and Paul Cullen discuss how to find your first supervisor – what to look for, what questions to ask, and why the supervisory relationship matters so much in your development. Grounding Techniques in Counselling Practice [starts at 03:46 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken explore grounding techniques in counselling practice, highlighting why every counsellor should understand how to help clients return to the here and now when they become distressed or overwhelmed. Key points discussed include: Grounding techniques are essential when a client becomes emotionally overwhelmed, dissociates, or is pulled into traumatic memories. Therapy happens in the here and now – if a client is reliving the there and then, effective therapeutic work cannot take place. Simple distraction and attention-shifting techniques (e.g. talking about neutral topics) can gently bring a client back into the present moment. Body-based grounding techniques, such as noticing physical sensations or using the 5-4-3-2-1 method, help regulate the nervous system. In more extreme trauma responses, reorientation techniques may be needed to remind the client where they are and that they are safe. Grounding is collaborative, individual, and most effective when practised regularly and introduced early. Understanding ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) [starts at 37:45 mins] In this week’s ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Bernie Wright and Lisa Smith about ARFID – a complex eating disorder that is often misunderstood as “fussy eating” but can have serious physical and emotional consequences. Key points from this conversation include: ARFID is not driven by body image concerns but by fear, anxiety, sensory sensitivities, and sometimes neurodivergence. Recent guideline changes mean weight alone should no longer determine access to support – behavioural signs and functional impact are key. Neurodivergent individuals, particularly autistic people, may be more vulnerable due to sensory processing differences and rigidity around routines. Restricted diets can lead to nutritional deficiencies that impact brain function, creating a cycle of anxiety and further restriction. Interventions should be gradual and non-threatening – introducing small changes, using food chaining, and keeping “safe foods” in place. Battles around food can increase anxiety and shame; curiosity, patience, and flexibility are more effective approaches. Finding Your First Supervisor [starts at 01:01:32 mins] In this section, Rory, Ken and Paul Cullen reflect on the importance of choosing your first supervisor carefully and what to consider when beginning your clinical practice journey. Key points include: Supervision is an ethical requirement and becomes central to your practice the moment you begin seeing clients. The supervisory relationship must feel safe enough for you to discuss mistakes, uncertainties, and the full reality of your work. A supervisor should understand your modality and, where relevant, have knowledge of online and telephone working. Good supervision is not simply a friendly chat – it should challenge you, stretch you, and support your professional growth. Students are entitled to ask questions about a supervisor’s experience, knowledge of legislation, and approach to supervision. While some placements assign supervisors, it’s important to reflect on fit, autonomy, and whether the arrangement supports your development. Links and Resources Counselling Skills Academy Advanced Certificate in Counselling Supervision Basic Counselling Skills: A Student Guide Counsellor CPD Counselling Study Resource Counselling Theory in Practice: A Student Guide Counselling Tutor Training and CPD Facebook group Website Online and Telephone Counselling: A Practitioner’s Guide Online and Telephone Counselling Course
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  • 369 – Working with Shame in the Therapy Room

    369 – Working with Shame in the Therapy Room
    Mar 14 2026
    Working with Limerent – Feeling Out of Your Depth as a Student Counsellor In Episode 369 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly take us through this week’s three topics: Firstly, in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, they explore working with shame in the therapy room – how shame presents, how it differs from guilt, and how to work with it gently and ethically. Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Nadine Pittam about limerence – a powerful and often overwhelming state of obsessive romantic attachment – and how therapists can work safely and effectively with clients experiencing it. And finally, in ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken discuss what to do when you feel out of your depth as a counselling student, offering reassurance, practical guidance, and encouragement. Working with Shame in the Therapy Room [starts at 03:24 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken explore working with shame in the therapy room, unpacking the complex and often hidden nature of shame, how it presents in clients, and how therapists can respond sensitively and ethically. Key points discussed include: Shame is identity-based (“there is something wrong with me”), whereas guilt relates to behaviour (“I did something wrong”). Shame often hides itself and may present subtly through withdrawal, minimising, avoidance, anger, or difficulty maintaining eye contact. Triggers can include criticism, rejection, humiliation, invalidation, bullying, coercion, or conditional approval. The cycle of shame involves activation, negative self-beliefs, coping strategies (withdrawal, control, emotional numbing), temporary relief, and reinforcement. Working with shame requires gentleness – noticing body language, naming shame carefully, and pacing the work to avoid overwhelming the client. Reflective questions such as “When do you first remember feeling this way?”, “Who taught you that you were not good enough?”, and “What did you need at that time that you didn’t receive?” can open healing dialogue. Separating identity from experience is central – helping clients understand that what happened to them does not define who they are. Supervision and reflective practice are essential when working with shame, both for client safety and therapist self-awareness. Working with Limerent [starts at 33:53 mins] In this week’s ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Nadine Pittam about limerence – a term coined by Dorothy Tennov to describe an intense, involuntary state of romantic obsession. Key points from this conversation include: Limerence is not simply infatuation or love; it is an addictive, dysregulated state marked by intrusive thoughts and emotional dependency. It can feel life-or-death in intensity and may result in relationship breakdowns, loss of identity, and significant emotional distress. The limerent object is often someone partially known (e.g. a colleague, acquaintance, former partner), allowing projection of unmet attachment needs. Therapy focuses on the client’s unmet needs and attachment history, rather than on analysing the limerent object. The therapist validates the emotional pain while gently challenging the belief that the other person will “solve” the distress. Limerence may involve “eroticised abandonment”, where rejection or unavailability intensifies obsession. Clear professional boundaries are vital, as therapists themselves may become the limerent object through transference. This is often longer-term work, requiring emotional honesty, self-compassion, and sustained therapeutic engagement. Feeling Out of Your Depth as a Student Counsellor [starts at 57:30 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken explore the common experience of feeling overwhelmed or inadequate during counselling training and placement. Key points include: Feeling out of your depth is common and often reflects care, responsibility, and commitment rather than incompetence. Imposter syndrome affects both students and qualified practitioners – it does not disappear after training. Clients may bring complex or distressing material that feels very different from classroom skills practice. Your role is not to fix clients or have all the answers, but to offer warmth, empathy, and a safe, non-judgemental space. Being deeply heard is rare and powerful – the therapeutic relationship itself is often the primary healing factor. If the work feels overwhelming, take it to supervision, personal therapy, and peer discussion rather than carrying it alone. You were accepted onto your course because your tutors believe in your readiness and potential. Developing robustness is part of training – feeling stretched can be a sign of growth. Reflective practice and open dialogue prevent self-doubt from becoming hidden shame. Links and Resources Counselling Skills Academy Advanced Certificate in Counselling Supervision Basic Counselling Skills: A Student Guide Counsellor CPD Counselling ...
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  • 368 – When Media Coverage Enters the Counselling Room

    368 – When Media Coverage Enters the Counselling Room
    Mar 7 2026
    Attachment: What Counsellors Need to Know – Why Check-Ins and Check-Outs Matter In Episode 368 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly guide you through three key areas of counselling practice, learning, and development. In Ethical, Sustainable Practice, Rory and Ken explore when media coverage enters the counselling room, examining how major reporting on trauma and abuse can increase client contact and shape presentations. In Practice Matters, Rory is interviewed by Sarah Henry about his latest CPD lecture on attachment, exploring why attachment theory is central to therapeutic work. And in Student Services, Rory and Ken discuss the role of check-ins and check-outs in counselling training, and why these processes matter far beyond the classroom. When Media Coverage Enters the Counselling Room [starts at 03:18 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken explore when media coverage enters the counselling room, examining how high-profile reporting of abuse and trauma can trigger an increase in client enquiries and influence therapeutic presentations. Key points discussed include: Major news stories can act as a trigger, prompting clients to seek therapy for historic trauma. The “Savile Effect” explains why disclosures often surge following widespread media attention. Therapists may notice increases in presentations such as flashbacks, shame, hyperarousal, and crisis responses. Working in a trauma-informed way prioritises safety, pacing, choice, and avoiding re-traumatisation. Having a surge plan in place helps therapists manage capacity, referrals, and ethical boundaries. Supervision is essential for managing risk, vicarious trauma, and professional decision-making during these periods. Attachment: What Counsellors Need to Know [starts at 26:54 mins] In this week’s Practice Matters, Sarah Henry interviews Rory Lees-Oakes about his recent lecture on attachment theory and its relevance to counselling practice. Key points from this discussion include: Therapy itself is an attachment process, with the therapist offering stability, presence, and emotional availability. Attachment styles are patterns, not pathology, and shape how clients relate to themselves and others. The therapist can become a secure base, supporting repair and earned security within the therapeutic relationship. Boundaries, consistency, and predictability are central to creating safety in attachment work. Ruptures and repairs are inevitable and can become powerful corrective relational experiences. Attachment dynamics show up in first contact, transference, countertransference, and endings in therapy. Why Check-Ins and Check-Outs Matter [starts at 51:42 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken explore the purpose of check-ins and check-outs in counselling training and how these practices translate into professional work. Key points include: Check-ins help students transition from the outside world into a reflective learning space. They allow tutors to assess group safety, emotional readiness, and potential risk. Sharing emotional states builds empathy, cohesion, and self-awareness within the group. Check-outs support reflection, integration of learning, and emotional containment at the end of sessions. These processes mirror therapeutic practice, modelling how sessions begin and end with clients. Developing this discipline in training supports ethical, present, and grounded practice post-qualification. Links and Resources Counselling Skills Academy Advanced Certificate in Counselling Supervision Basic Counselling Skills: A Student Guide Counsellor CPD Counselling Study Resource Counselling Theory in Practice: A Student Guide Counselling Tutor Training and CPD Facebook group Website Online and Telephone Counselling: A Practitioner’s Guide Online and Telephone Counselling Course
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