Frank Devereaux (Terry O’Quinn) loves betting on stuff. Don’t really know why and with what funds, but he’s dug himself into a debt hole. Now, a bunch of drug dealing Reno bad guys kidnap his son, Billy (Brandon Call), and force Frank to make ground up Smurf dust. Kinda like Gargamel’s Breaking Bad. Enter: Nick Parker (Rutger Hauer). He served in Vietnam with Frank. Nick lost his sight there, but he has been spending his time training as a swordsman. Acorn squash beware! Now, he’s back in the states with his sword cane, and he’s going to knock around plenty of skulls as he rides around on buses with Billy. RTS learns how to clean up your eyebrows and neck beard with a gentle swish of a sword. Jeremy electrifies us all with his sparking death hot tub. La-Mar was told that his “butter knife ain’t gonna stop no bullet.” Oddly, it does. It stops many bullets – and it helps butter his bread. Is Bruce Lee’s brother showing up to this?

Danny (Paul Rudd) and Wheeler (Seann Willam Scott) work together pimping out some sweet energy juice. Danny is in a rut, asks his long-term girlfriend, Beth (Elizabeth Banks), to marry him and completely fails. He then totally freaks out and winds himself and Wheeler into some serious community service/probation time at a big brother program, Sturdy Wings. This program is directed by the amazing Gayle (Jane Lynch). Danny is unenthusiastically thrust into a world of LARPing with Augie (Christopher Mintz-Plasse). Wheeler and Ronnie (Robb’e J. Thompson) learn to bond over shared obsessions. Better than prison, right? Right!? RTS would NEVER BS a BSer. Jeremy demands that everyone “gingerly touch our tips.” La-Mar learns that Monopoly is “based on true events.” Collin observes the hotdog trick. Boop! Compliment a loved one’s “whispering eye” before slumber. Maybe you need a re-role here. Let’s wreck shop in the name of Kiss-My-Anthia!

Barry, Barry. Why ya buggin? Barry Gabrewski (Jonathan Brandis) lives in his fantasies. Although creative, these dreams interfere with his real life. In all of these daydreams, Barry is the sidekick to Chuck Norris. Seems like some normal stuff there. Because of this, Barry has a hard time at school. His teacher, Noreen Chan (Julia Nickson), assists Barry and his dad, Jerry (Beau Bridges), and introduces them to her spirited uncle, Mr. Lee (Mako). Lee takes Barry on for Karate instruction, and we are treated to an array of training montages, awkward conversations with Lauren (Danica McKellar) and wild faces from Kelly Stone (Joe Piscopo). RTS discovers that all cures come from kitchen sink potions. Jeremey falls in love with this film and is now actively training in Karate. La-Mar takes his metal nunchucks and chucks everything! Collin will make sure that you “respect the wood.” When we break a bunch of bricks, we’ll make sure they’re on fire! Everyone seems cool with that.