The Session: When Your Spouse is Unfaithful

Psalm 51:10-12, “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.”

Forgive with intelligence

Your spouse cheated. Your trust for them has nearly diminished and there's good reason for that. So, you must act accordingly.

The reason why you're looking for ways to forgive your spouse is because your mind isn't allowing you to.

It's playing scenarios in your head of them doing it again and it pains you.

Does investigating your spouse make you a bad person?

If your spouse gave you reasons to be weary of them? No. They broke your trust. All bets are off.

If they lied and betrayed you, why should they get the privilege of being trusted immediately?

They committed the ultimate love crime. And let's face it, some cheaters just get better at hiding it once they've been caught.

Worriedlovers.com

Before proceeding, you should look for evidence of genuine “godly sorrow” (2 Corinthians 7:10) as opposed to the “worldly sorrow” which simply says, “I’m sorry I got caught.” A key indicator of a godly sorrow would include a willingness on the part of your spouse to talk with a marriage counselor who can assess his vulnerabilities, as well as the weaknesses of your relationship.

Confront Honestly

That’s because you need to meet this challenge from a position of strength and self-assurance.

When you’re ready, arrange a time to sit down and talk with your spouse. Choose a private meeting place where you know you won’t be interrupted. Approach the subject honestly and straightforwardly. The crisis in your marriage is emotionally charged but stay calm and cool. To achieve this, most people need to write out what they are going to say.

Often it is necessary to do a more formal intervention, where several people show up to confront the offending spouse at a designated time without his or her foreknowledge. This formal intervention should not be confused with that of individual people confronting your spouse over time.

Prayerfully consider who these people might be and meet with them together ahead of time so that you can explain your situation and provide them with the important facts.

A devotional podcast for parents on the go! Encouragement, Scripture, & prayer in just 7 minutes. Join the journey!

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

The Session: The Impact of Sleep on Our Mental Health

Matthew 11:28-30 – “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Sleep, Body and Brain

We spend approximately a third of our lives asleep.

• Sleep is an essential and involuntary process, without which we cannot function effectively.
• The body’s fuel is sleep. Without proper sleep, our minds begin to slow, unable to operate at their full potential. This happens until the mind becomes so deprived of the rest it needs, it breaks down. And without the commander-in-chief acting accordingly, the rest of the body pays the price.
• It is as essential to our bodies as eating, drinking and breathing.
• Sleeping helps to repair and restore our brains, not just our bodies.
• During sleep we can process information, consolidate memories, and undergo a number of maintenance processes that help us to function during the daytime.
• Poor sleep over a sustained period leads to a number of problems which are immediately recognizable, including fatigue, sleepiness, poor concentration, lapses in memory, and irritability.
• There is no universal answer to the question of how much sleep a person needs. This varies from person to person. What is important is that people respect themselves enough to find out how much sleep they need and ensure that they achieve it.
• The amygdala is in charge of our emotional responses. But to do its job correctly it needs us to sleep, because that’s the time it’s allocated to process emotion.
• The prefrontal cortex, does as well. The prefrontal cortex does a lot of impressive things. One of which is being “the voice of reason” to our emotions (aka putting the brakes on our amygdala when it’s being a diva). The prefrontal cortex helps control our impulses, attention, inhibition, emotion, and complex learning.

Helps

• Sleep should get as much attention as depression and anxiety prevention gets.
• People with insomnia are 10 and 17 times more likely than those without insomnia to experience clinically significant levels of depression and anxiety, respectively. (National Library of Medicine)

Helpful Sleep Strategies from Mayo Clinic

• Manage Worries
• Try to resolve your worries or concerns before bedtime. Jot down what's on your mind and then set it aside for tomorrow.
• Stress Management might help. Start with the basics, such as getting organized, setting priorities and delegating tasks. Meditation also can ease anxiety.

Sleep killer 1: Anxiety - Compounding the problem is the fact that a lack of sleep can also worsen any anxiety you may be experiencing. (Gale.com)

It shows the importance of managing and working on your anxiety very important.

The Grateful Exercise

Progressive Muscle Strategy

Writing Down The Important things You Will Try To Remember Through The Night

Stick to a sleep schedule

Set aside no more than eight hours for sleep. The recommended amount of sleep for a healthy adult is at least seven hours. Most people don't need more than eight hours in bed to be well rested.

Go to bed and get up at the same time every day, including weekends. Being consistent reinforces your body's sleep-wake cycle.

If you don't fall asleep within about 20 minutes of going to bed, leave your bedroom and do something relaxing. Read or listen to soot

A devotional podcast for parents on the go! Encouragement, Scripture, & prayer in just 7 minutes. Join the journey!

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

The Session: Important Marriage Tips

Colossians 3:13-14 "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

From Focus on the Family, these tips:

Do Make Jesus The Center of Your Marriage.

Don’t Embrace UnGodly Trends

Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord."

Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."

Ephesians 5:33 "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

Be Quick to Listen, Not Quick to Get Angry

James 1:19 "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry."

The Communication Highway is vital here.

Do Use Your Words to Encourage, Don’t Use them to Harm or Manipulate

James 3:8 "But no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison."

Celebrate Each other

Do Be Willing to Forgive, Don’t Hold Grudges

I Corinthians 13:5 "It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."

“The Best Marriage Advice I have Ever Heard”, From Cara Joiner

In Scripture we find that forgiveness is an action made in the midst of negative feelings, making it a beautiful expression of love.

Stay Emotionally Connected

Romans 12:15 "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn."

I Peter 4:8 "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."

Forgiveness. Healing, Prayer and Scripture Fuel Emotional Connection

Physical intimacy ( Bedroom Olympics 😀)

It is an essential aspect of a passionate marriage. In Song of Solomon 1:2, the Bible celebrates the physical union of husband and wife: “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth – for your love is more delightful than wine.”

Investing Time And Effort

Maintaining physical intimacy – from caring hugs to satisfying sex – helps keep the passion alive in your marriage. Make physical affection a regular part of your daily routine. Hold hands, hug, kiss, and cuddle.

Gottman’s Marriage Tips

Turn Toward Instead of Away: Respond positively to small bids for connection (e.g., a glance, a touch, a question) rather than ignoring them.

Nurture Fondness and Admiration: Regularly express appreciation and respect to build a positive, supportive environment.

The Magic Six Hours: Dedicate 6 hours per week to your relationship, including parting, reunions, admiration, affection, and weekly dates.

A devotional podcast for parents on the go! Encouragement, Scripture, & prayer in just 7 minutes. Join the journey!

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

The Session: Important Marriage Tips

Colossians 3:13-14 "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

From Focus on the Family, these tips:

Do Make Jesus The Center of Your Marriage.

Don’t Embrace UnGodly Trends

Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord."

Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."

Ephesians 5:33 "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

Be Quick to Listen, Not Quick to Get Angry

James 1:19 "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry."

The Communication Highway is vital here.

Do Use Your Words to Encourage, Don’t Use them to Harm or Manipulate

James 3:8 "But no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison."

Celebrate Each other

Do Be Willing to Forgive, Don’t Hold Grudges

I Corinthians 13:5 "It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."

“The Best Marriage Advice I have Ever Heard”, From Cara Joiner

In Scripture we find that forgiveness is an action made in the midst of negative feelings, making it a beautiful expression of love.

Stay Emotionally Connected

Romans 12:15 "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn."

I Peter 4:8 "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."

Forgiveness. Healing, Prayer and Scripture Fuel Emotional Connection

Physical intimacy ( Bedroom Olympics 😀)

It is an essential aspect of a passionate marriage. In Song of Solomon 1:2, the Bible celebrates the physical union of husband and wife: “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth – for your love is more delightful than wine.”

Investing Time And Effort

Maintaining physical intimacy – from caring hugs to satisfying sex – helps keep the passion alive in your marriage. Make physical affection a regular part of your daily routine. Hold hands, hug, kiss, and cuddle.

Gottman’s Marriage Tips

Turn Toward Instead of Away:

Respond positively to small bids for connection (e.g., a glance, a touch, a question) rather than ignoring them.

Nurture Fondness and Admiration: Regularly express appreciation and respect to build a positive, supportive environment.

The Magic Six Hours:

Dedicate 6 hours per week to your relationship, including parting, reunions, admiration, affection, and weekly dates.

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

The Session: It’s not normal!

Genesis 2:24 "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

Every February, Tom & Scott celebrate “Love Month”. Mostly because Valentine’s Day is also Tom’s Anniversary (celebrating 51 years this year!). We also this to celebrate God’s gift of marriage, and to encourage you in your marriage.

Not much in the notes this time, just 7 “It’s not normal” thoughts from marriage coaches Tommy and Dianne McCollister:

It’s not normal to not have intimacy for weeks

It’s not normal to neglect emotional connection

It’s not normal to consistently feel unhappy in your marriage

It’s not normal to always prioritize parenting over your partner

It’s not normal to avoid spending quality time together

It’s not normal to prefer work over your home

It’s not normal to have nothing to talk about with your spouse

Here’s the link to the YouTube video Tom and I talked through on these 2 episodes:

https://youtube.com/shorts/ufVHSRSx32E?si=f9IVAjRwW_bz5WkK

If your marriage is full of these “It’s not normals”, get the normal back in your marriage by contacting Tom today. Thanks for listening!

A devotional podcast for parents on the go! Encouragement, Scripture, & prayer in just 7 minutes. Join the journey!

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

The Session: It’s not normal!

Genesis 2:24 "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."

Every February, Tom & Scott celebrate “Love Month”. Mostly because Valentine’s Day is also Tom’s Anniversary (celebrating 51 years this year!). We also this to celebrate God’s gift of marriage, and to encourage you in your marriage.

Not much in the notes this time, just 7 “It’s not normal” thoughts from marriage coaches Tommy and Dianne McCollister:

It’s not normal to not have intimacy for weeks

It’s not normal to neglect emotional connection

It’s not normal to consistently feel unhappy in your marriage

It’s not normal to always prioritize parenting over your partner

It’s not normal to avoid spending quality time together

It’s not normal to prefer work over your home

It’s not normal to have nothing to talk about with your spouse

Here’s the link to the YouTube video Tom and I talked through on these 2 episodes:

https://youtube.com/shorts/ufVHSRSx32E?si=f9IVAjRwW_bz5WkK

If your marriage is full of these “It’s not normals”, get the normal back in your marriage by contacting Tom today. Thanks for listening!

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

The Session: Marriage Habits of Millennials, Gen X and Gen Z

Psalm 145:1-5

I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever. Every day I will praise you and extol your name for ever and ever.

Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom. One generation commends your works to another; they tell of your mighty acts. They speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty—and I will meditate on your wonderful works.

Ages:

• Baby Boomers: Born 1946–1964 (Ages ~60-79)
• Generation X (Gen X): Born 1965–1980 (Ages ~45-59)
• Millennials (Gen Y): Born 1981–1996 (Ages ~29-44)
• Generation Z (Gen Z): Born 1997–2012 (Ages ~13-

University of Southern California

Key Differences in Summary:

• Baby Boomers: Optimistic, tradition-focused, post-war prosperity.
• Gen X: Independent, pragmatic, cynical, bridging eras.
• Gen Z: Digitally fluent, diverse, experience-driven, socially conscious.

Purdue University

The Encouraging Data Points

• Youth Engagement: Younger generations (Gen Z, Millennials) are showing increased commitment to Jesus, Bible reading, and church attendance, particularly younger men.
• Spiritual Curiosity: There's a noted rise in spiritual openness and interest not seen in past years.
• Global Growth: Christianity continues rapid growth in Africa and globally, with fewer atheists worldwide.

Barna Group

Baby Boomers (1946-1964)

• Marriage as Norm: Grew up with strong societal pressure to marry, resulting in the highest marriage rates.
• High Divorce Rates: Their era normalized divorce, leading to the highest divorce rates among generations, with rates rising with age. (Scott finds this interesting)
• Interracial marriage wasn't legal nationwide until 1967.

Generation X (1965-1980)

• Practical Approach: Bridged traditional and modern views, valuing financial stability and practicality in weddings.
• Cohabitation: Many supported cohabiting before marriage as a way to prevent divorce.
• High Satisfaction: Studies suggest Gen X couples report the highest marital satisfaction.

Millennials (1981-1996)

• Delayed Marriage: Married later and less frequently than prior generations, with lower overall marriage rates.
• Cohabitation & Trial Runs: Increased cohabitation before marriage, viewing it as a practical step.
• Diversity: More open to interracial and interfaith marriages.

Generation Z (1997-2010)

• Continued Delay: Following Millennial trends, they are postponing marriage and other milestones.
• Lower Marriage Projections: Expected to have even lower marriage rates than Millennials.
• Authenticity: Value authenticity and are open to diverse relationships (interfaith/interracial).

Key Takeaways

• Shift from Institution to Partnership: Marriage is increasingly seen less as a societal requirement (Boomers) and more as a personal choice for fulfillment (Millennials/Gen Z).
• Financial & Practical Focus: Gen X prioritized affordability, while Millennials and Gen Z focus on experience and value, even in weddings.
• Evolving Definitions: Acceptance of cohabitation, interracial, and interfaith marriages has grown significantly from Boomers to Gen Z.

Generation X (1965-1980)

• Practical Approach: Bridged traditional and modern views, valuing financial stability and practicality in weddings.
• Cohabitation: Many supported cohabiting before marriage as a way to prevent divorce.

A devotional podcast for parents on the go! Encouragement, Scripture, & prayer in just 7 minutes. Join the journey!

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.

The Session: Marriage Habits of Millennials, Gen X and Gen Z

Psalm 145:1-5

I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever. Every day I will praise you and extol your name for ever and ever.

Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom. One generation commends your works to another; they tell of your mighty acts. They speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty—and I will meditate on your wonderful works.

Ages:

• Baby Boomers: Born 1946–1964 (Ages ~60-79)
• Generation X (Gen X): Born 1965–1980 (Ages ~45-59)
• Millennials (Gen Y): Born 1981–1996 (Ages ~29-44)
• Generation Z (Gen Z): Born 1997–2012 (Ages ~13-

University of Southern California

Key Differences in Summary:

• Baby Boomers: Optimistic, tradition-focused, post-war prosperity.
• Gen X: Independent, pragmatic, cynical, bridging eras.
• Gen Z: Digitally fluent, diverse, experience-driven, socially conscious.

Purdue University

The Encouraging Data Points

• Youth Engagement: Younger generations (Gen Z, Millennials) are showing increased commitment to Jesus, Bible reading, and church attendance, particularly younger men.
• Spiritual Curiosity: There's a noted rise in spiritual openness and interest not seen in past years.
• Global Growth: Christianity continues rapid growth in Africa and globally, with fewer atheists worldwide.

Barna Group

Baby Boomers (1946-1964)

• Marriage as Norm: Grew up with strong societal pressure to marry, resulting in the highest marriage rates.
• High Divorce Rates: Their era normalized divorce, leading to the highest divorce rates among generations, with rates rising with age. (Scott finds this interesting)
• Interracial marriage wasn't legal nationwide until 1967.

Generation X (1965-1980)

• Practical Approach: Bridged traditional and modern views, valuing financial stability and practicality in weddings.
• Cohabitation: Many supported cohabiting before marriage as a way to prevent divorce.
• High Satisfaction: Studies suggest Gen X couples report the highest marital satisfaction.

Millennials (1981-1996)

• Delayed Marriage: Married later and less frequently than prior generations, with lower overall marriage rates.
• Cohabitation & Trial Runs: Increased cohabitation before marriage, viewing it as a practical step.
• Diversity: More open to interracial and interfaith marriages.

Generation Z (1997-2010)

• Continued Delay: Following Millennial trends, they are postponing marriage and other milestones.
• Lower Marriage Projections: Expected to have even lower marriage rates than Millennials.
• Authenticity: Value authenticity and are open to diverse relationships (interfaith/interracial).

Key Takeaways

• Shift from Institution to Partnership: Marriage is increasingly seen less as a societal requirement (Boomers) and more as a personal choice for fulfillment (Millennials/Gen Z).
• Financial & Practical Focus: Gen X prioritized affordability, while Millennials and Gen Z focus on experience and value, even in weddings.
• Evolving Definitions: Acceptance of cohabitation, interracial, and interfaith marriages has grown significantly from Boomers to Gen Z.

Generation X (1965-1980)

• Practical Approach: Bridged traditional and modern views, valuing financial stability and practicality in weddings.
• Cohabitation: Many supported cohabiting before marriage as a way to prevent divorce.

A devotional podcast for parents on the go! Encouragement, Scripture, & prayer in just 7 minutes. Join the journey!

To reach Tom Russell, go to https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com.