We grow up believing that a good relationship means good sex.

That if you’re having enough of it…
If the chemistry is there…
If the spark hasn’t faded…

Then everything else must be working.

But that’s not always true.

Because you can be having loads of sex…
And still feel completely disconnected.

In this reflection episode of Why Do I, I unpack one of the biggest mindset shifts I’ve had around relationships… following my conversation with Henika Patel.

I open up about how I used to measure the success of a relationship through sex alone…
Why so many men fall into that trap…
And how that way of thinking can quietly damage something that could’ve been meaningful.

We get into why desire naturally changes over time…
The difference between spontaneous and responsive desire…
And why chasing the early “dopamine phase” can stop you from building something deeper.

I also share my own experiences with validation, distraction, and not having the tools to communicate properly in relationships…
And why most couples aren’t actually struggling with sex - they’re struggling with connection.

If you’ve ever questioned your attraction in a relationship…
If things have felt different over time…
If you’ve ever used sex as a way to measure how things are going…

This episode will shift the way you see it.

OH YEAH! Before You Go - Connect With Us On Socials 👇Pod: https://www.instagram.com/whydoiofficial/?hl=enTom: https://www.instagram.com/stroudtom/?hl=enHenika: https://www.instagram.com/henika.x/?hl=en

💎 This show is part of the ⁠I.A.M Podcasts⁠ roster

#WhyDoI #Relationships

We grow up believing connection should just… happen.

That if you love someone enoughIf the relationship is right enoughIf you’re close enough…

That spark should stay the same forever.

But then real life kicks in.

Stress.

Routine.

Pressure.

Emotional distance.

And slowly, the connection that once felt effortless starts to feel harder to hold onto.In this episode of Why Do I, I’m joined by Henika Patel, founder of the School of Sensual Arts.

Henika helps us understand why closeness can shift in long-term relationships and why so many couples struggle to talk about it honestly.

We unpack the difference between chasing intensity and building real connection…

Why the early “fireworks” phase naturally changes over time… and how relationships can become stronger when we stop expecting love to always look the way it did at the start.

If you’ve ever wondered why attraction changes over time…

If you’ve ever felt confused by distance in a relationship…

If you’ve ever loved someone deeply but struggled to feel close…

This episode is for you.

OH YEAH! Before You Go - Connect With Us On Socials 👇

Pod: https://www.instagram.com/whydoiofficial/?hl=en

Tom: https://www.instagram.com/stroudtom/?hl=en

Henika: https://www.instagram.com/henika.x/?hl=en

💎 This show is part of the ⁠I.A.M Podcasts⁠ roster

#WhyDoI #Relationships #Connection #Love

After my conversation with Julius Cowdrey about parental behaviour and generational patterns, something stayed with me long after the microphones were turned off…

What happens when you realise parts of your personality might not actually be yours?
When you start to see how your parents’ wounds quietly shaped the way you love, react, and run from things?

We talk a lot about childhood trauma. But we rarely talk about the quiet fear of becoming our parents.

In this solo reflection, I open up about:

• Growing up with an absent father and the complicated grief that followed

• The pressure of trying to be the “good son” for a parent who sacrificed everything

• The moment at 32 when I looked in the mirror and felt like I had become my dad

• Avoidant attachment and why running can feel like freedom• Discovering my father’s own childhood abandonment and how that changed everything

• Why understanding our parents’ pain can be the first step to breaking generational cycles

If you’ve ever worried you might repeat your parents’ mistakes…If you’ve ever felt trapped between loyalty to your family and the need to become your own person…If you’ve ever questioned whether your patterns are truly yours…

This episode is for you.

💎 This show is part of the ⁠I.A.M Podcasts⁠ roster

We grow up thinking our parents are just… parents.

The safe one.

The distant one.The provider.

The peacemaker.

The one who never talks about feelings.

But then you get older and you realise…their relationship didn’t just shape them.It shaped you.

The way you trust.

The way you attach.

The way you avoid.

The way you love.

In the second episode of Why Do I (Season 2), I’m joined by Julius Cowdrey. Julius opens up about growing up in the shadow of infidelity, emotional distance, and the silent rules many of us inherit from our parents without even realising.

We talk about the ripple effect of:

A father who won’t go deep…

a mother who stays selfless for the “family unit”…

and how that can later show up as avoidance, fear of being relied on, and a constant question of “am I good enough?”

If you’ve ever felt your dad’s absence still living in your adult decisions…

If you’ve ever repeated patterns you swore you wouldn’t…

If you’ve ever wanted connection, but panicked the moment it got real…

This one’s for you.

OH YEAH! Before You Go - Connect With Us On Socials 👇

Pod: https://www.instagram.com/whydoiofficial/?hl=en

Tom: https://www.instagram.com/stroudtom/?hl=en

Julius: https://www.instagram.com/jlcowdrey/?hl=en

💎 This show is part of the ⁠I.A.M Podcasts⁠ Roster

#WhyDoI #Relationships #Healing #FamilyTrauma

After my conversation with Sasha Pallari about breakups that don’t make sense on paper, I found myself sitting with something deeper…

What happens when you’re with someone who is objectively incredible
Kind. Stable. Supportive. And yet something still feels missing?

We talk a lot about red flags. But nobody prepares you for the green flag breakup.

In this solo reflection, I open up about:

• Staying in “almost right” relationships• Cognitive dissonance and emotional self-gaslighting• The sunk cost fallacy in love• My own breakup at 32 that completely shook my identity• Why leaving a good person doesn’t make you the villain

If you’ve ever felt ungrateful for being unhappy…If you’ve ever tried to logic your way into love…If you’ve ever stayed because it looked good on paper…

This episode is for you.

This is about emotional filters.This is about trusting your gut.This is about choosing truth over convenience.

OH YEAH! Before You Go - Connect With Us On Socials 👇

Pod: https://www.instagram.com/whydoiofficial/?hl=enTom: https://www.instagram.com/stroudtom/?hl=enSasha: https://www.instagram.com/sashapallari/?hl=en

💎 This show is part of the ⁠I.A.M Podcasts⁠ roster

#WhyDoI #Relationships #Breakups #SelfGrowth

If someone sees you.Understands you.Holds you.Chooses you.

That’s enough… right?

But what happens when the person who makes you feel the most seen you’ve ever felt… is also battling addiction?

In this clip from Why Do I (Season 2), Sasha Pallari opens up about loving someone who could show up for her… but couldn’t show up for himself.

We talk about:

- Fire and ice love.
- The heartbreak of asking, “Why didn’t he fight for me?”
- Realising you can’t save someone from themselves.
- And the painful truth that sometimes love isn’t enough.

If you’ve ever loved someone through addiction…
If you’ve ever tried to help someone heal…
If you’ve ever had to walk away from someone you still love…

This one’s for you.

🎙️ Watch the full episode with Sasha Pallari on the channel now.

OH YEAH! Before You Go - Connect With Us On Socials 👇

Pod: https://www.instagram.com/whydoiofficial/?hl=enTom: https://www.instagram.com/stroudtom/?hl=enSash: https://www.instagram.com/sashapallari/?hl=en

💎 This show is part of the I.A.M Podcasts Roster

#WhyDoI #Addiction #Relationships #Breakups

We grow up thinking love is supposed to feel a certain way...

Butterflies.

Intensity.

Stability.

Someone choosing you.

But what happens when you’ve had the wedding… The divorce… The once-in-a-lifetime love… And you’re still asking, what do I actually want?

In the first episode of Why Do I (Season 2), I’m joined by Sasha Pallari!!

Sasha opens up about her marriage, her divorce and the complicated truth that sometimes love isn’t enough.

If you’ve ever walked away from something that looked perfect on paper…

If you’ve ever questioned whether you’re asking for too much…

If you’ve ever loved someone deeply but known it wasn’t right…

This one’s for you.

Season 2 starts here!!

OH YEAH! Before You Go - Connect With Us On Socials👇

Pod: https://www.instagram.com/whydoiofficial/?hl=en

Tom: https://www.instagram.com/stroudtom/?hl=en

Sash: https://www.instagram.com/sashapallari/?hl=en

💎 This show is part of the I.A.M Podcasts Roster

#WhyDoI #Relationships #Breakups

‘Why Do I…?’ is a podcast about the patterns we keep falling into in our relationships.

The ones we do not always talk about.
The ones we sometimes do not even notice.

It explores where those behaviours come from, what they might be protecting, and what we could be avoiding when things start to feel uncomfortable.

Each episode is a chance to sit with someone as they unpack the patterns they have recognised in themselves, and the ones they are still figuring out.

There are no neat answers.
No perfect endings.
Just conversations and those quiet moments of recognition where you think, maybe that is me.

🎙️ New long-form episodes every fortnight
🧩 Short reflection episodes in between

If you have ever caught yourself wondering why you show up the way you do in relationships, this is the show for you.

Enjoy Season 2!

#WhyDoI #RelationshipPatterns #SelfAwareness