If I Don't Return

A Father's Wartime Journal

De: Mark Hertling

Narrado por: Mark Chaet

"This journal was once a gift to our young sons. It is now a gift to anyone who cares to read it."
When Major Mark Hertling deployed to Iraq in 1990 as the operations officer of an armored cavalry squadron, his unit was told 50 percent of them would likely sustain casualties. To him, that meant he might not return home and may perhaps never see his family again. To prepare for that potential outcome, he began keeping a journal, hoping that one day, if he didn't return, his stories and wisdom would be passed to his young sons.

In an army-issued green notebook, Mark began recording his thoughts and hopes for his boys. He wrote of character, leadership, camaraderie, battles, cultural differences, religion, love, fear, and the things he wanted his boys to know about him and his experiences. In unfiltered, handwritten entries, Hertling captured the reality of combat in Operation Desert Storm: the waiting and missions, the chaos and courage, the brotherhood and grief, and the lessons of duty and humanity forged in war. What began as a father's private messages became a rare chronicle of leadership and life in preparation for the crucible of battle.

But he survived, returned home, and was able to watch his boys grow into men. Decades later, after both his sons became combat veterans themselves, one of them typed those original pages as a gift to his dad—to preserve the legacy for the family's next generation. In revisiting those original journal entries, Hertling—having been promoted, having served in various positions, and having returned to the battlefields of Iraq over the next two decades—added reflections drawn from his life. Reflecting on various military assignments, then his post-retirement jobs as a cable news analyst, health care executive, and professor of leadership, these journal entries now provide valuable lessons on character, leadership, and service.

©2026 Mark Hertling (P)2026 Mark Hertling

Worth a read

This very personal history of a soldier's career is an interesting one. The journal entries from his service in Desert Storm--and some reflection on each one--are the highlight of his tale. Unfortunately, too often the General relies on cliches and slogans to underline his points (along the line of "when the going gets tough, the tough get going").

The reader was not closely monitored and words are often mispronounced (eye-rak vs ur-aak). There are two that are particularly egregious:
- Gen Hertling commanded the Army's storied 1st Cavalry Division, which the reader (who is also an Army officer) frequently refers to as the 1st Calvary.
- The fights in Iraq between various religious groups are repeatedly described as "secretarian violence". I assume he wasn't referring to fights in the steno pool.

Finally, he concludes with a summary of a poem written by Gen MacArthur for his son. In "A Father's Prayer", MacArthur prays for his son to be brave and humble and to focus on character and integrity. This from an officer who was known for his arrogance, insubordination, and questionable strategic decisions...which included taking significant financial payments from the government of the Philippines.