BIFF

Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns

By: Bill Eddy

Narrated by: Scott R. Pollak

We live in an age of rapid change and instant communication. We also live in a culture of blame and disrespect...

Has anyone ever told you:

• “It’s all your fault!”
• “You should be ashamed of yourself!”
• “You’re a disgrace to your [family][community][country][team][profession][party][you fill in the blank]
• “What’s the matter with you? Are you crazy? Stupid? Immoral? Unethical? Evil?”

And then were you told everything that’s “wrong” with you and how you should behave?

It’s not about you!

Let’s face it. Most of us have said something like this when we “lost it”—hopefully not too often. But some people communicate this way a lot! It’s helpful to know that their personal attacks are not about you. They are about the blamer’s inability to control himself and solve problems.

When people repeatedly use personal attacks, I think of them as “high-conflict people” (HCPs), because they lack skills for dealing well with conflict. Instead of sharing responsibility for solving problems, they repeatedly lose it and increase conflict by making it intensely personal and taking no responsibility. They are the most difficult people, because they are preoccupied with blaming others—what I call their “targets of blame”—which may include you! They speak Blamespeak: attack, defend—and attack again.

I wrote this book to help you respond to anyone who tries to engage you with hostile emails, texts, Facebook postings, vicious rumors, or just plain difficult behavior. But before I explain how to write a BIFF response, I want to give you a brief understanding of how HCPs think.

This audiobook was produced and published by Echo Point Books & Media, an independent bookseller in Brattleboro, Vermont.

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

©2011 Bill Eddy (P)2024 Echo Point Books & Media, LLC

Super Helpful

I’m very grateful to the author of this book for sharing his knowledge in this area. I really didn’t know how to deal with conflict so I always avoided it. Now I feel like I can do something to manage conflict, thank you for empowering me!

Helpful

I will be sharing this—it has lots of helpful info. We hear about high-conflict-people and how to identify them. I appreciate that this book gives helpful advice on how to interact with high-conflict people. The court recommended this book to deal with my son's ex. I think everyone should read it or listen to it.

It gives you exactly what you can expect from the title

I like that is short, but still develops a couple of ideas and give you examples. Most of these type of books are 100 pages longer that the should be, not this one

practical, wise, on point, life saving

Gives a sensible blueprint for how and why to respond to highly contentious people remarks, actions, attacks.

Practical and relevant

This book provides a convenient shorthand and easy to understand formula for dealing with impossibly toxic people. Very helpful- I strongly recommend.