BoyMom

Reimagining Boyhood in the Age of Impossible Masculinity

By: Ruth Whippman

Narrated by: Ruth Whippman

Combining painfully honest memoir, cultural analysis, and reporting, BoyMom is a humorous and heartbreaking deep dive into the complexities of raising boys in our fraught political moment.

“Rapist, school-shooter, incel, man-child, interrupter, mansplainer, boob-starer, birthday forgetter, frat boy, dude-bro, homophobe, self-important stoner, emotional-labor abstainer, non-wiper of kitchen counters. Trying to raise good sons suddenly felt like a hopeless task.”

As the culture wars rage, and masculinity has been politicized from all sides, feminist writer and mother of three boys Ruth Whippman finds herself conflicted and scared. While the right pushes a dangerous vision of fantasy manhood, her feminist peers often dismiss boys as little more than entitled predators-in-waiting. Meanwhile her home life feels like a daily confrontation with the triumph of nature over nurture.

With young men in the grip of a loneliness epidemic and dying by suicide at a rate of nearly four times their female peers, Whippman asks: How do we raise our sons to have a healthy sense of self without turning them into privileged assholes? How can we find a feminism that holds boys to a higher standard but still treats them with empathy? And what do we do when our boys won’t cooperate with our plans?

Whippman digs into the impossibly contradictory pressures boys now face; and the harmful blind spots of male socialization that are leaving boys isolated, emotionally repressed, and adrift. Feminist gonzo-style, she spends months interviewing incels, reports on a conference for boys accused of sexual assault; crashes at a residential therapy center for young men in Utah, talks to a wide range of psychologists and other experts, and gets boys of all backgrounds to open up about sex, consent, porn, body image, mental health, cancel culture, screens, friendship and loneliness. Along the way, she finds her simple certainties about male privilege seriously challenged.

With wit, honesty, and a refusal to settle for easy answers, BoyMom charts a new path to give boys a healthier, more expansive, and fulfilling story about their own lives.

Outstanding analysis

Anyone who is raising a boy or wants to ensure our nation’s boys thrive should read this book.

How feminism can save our boys, and also how it hurts them

Thank you Ruth Whipman for being ok with the messy, the complex. She interviewed people that liberals would normally shy away from. And the insights are valuable. I will parent my boy and my girls differently thanks to this book.

Completely Changed my Perspective of my Two Boys

Anyone that has a boy needs to read this book. It is insightful, enlightening, and honestly mind blowing. It brought up stereotypes that are so ingrained I had no idea that I subscribed to them. The research behind this book is incredible, all of the interviews, places she ventured to, and boys online she talks to is so interesting. I cannot recommend this book enough. I will be rereading this book every few years while I raise my boys to keep all of the information fresh. Oh and I loved that the author read it, she has a great accent and voice that is fun to listen to.

Great read!

I appreciate Whippman’s balanced perspective here. She touched on how patriarchal norms hurt boys and girls, women and men.

Extremely Necessary Read for All

Just finished Boy Mom. It was a tough but necessary read that broadened my perspective on boys, men, and masculinity. The emphasis on care, nurturing, connection, and truly listening to boys’ experiences as essential—not optional—struck a chord with me. It’s encouraged me to pay closer attention and to do better listening to and supporting boys.

Another thing that struck me was the call to critically examine masculinity itself, including the subtle ways boys and men are discouraged from emotional connection and relational expression in culture and media. There’s of course no one-size-fits-all solution, but compassion, listening, and connection feel like a meaningful place to start.