Horrors of the Shopping Mall Ass Slasher

Never Made Movies

By: R.J. Benetti

Narrated by: John Wayne Comunale

In the summer of 1987, StarBright Shopping Mall is the place to be—until a masked killer with a bizarre fixation on butts turns it into a slaughtering ground. As the booty count rises, panic spreads faster than parachute pants on an ironing board.

With a mix of laugh-out-loud humor and spine-chilling terror, this book will keep you on the edge of your seat, wondering, “Why did anyone write this?” and “Is my butt truly safe?”

©2025 R.J. Benetti (P)2025 R.J. Benetti

Kinda absurd, but also kinda perfect

This is the first time I've had the privilege of listening to an R. J. Benetti audiobook and I absolutely loved it! R. J.'s unique style and somewhat absurd plot was perfectly narrated by John Wayne Communale. I spent the majority of my listening time alternating between being grossed out and cackling with laughter. This definitely won't be to everyone's taste, but if you're a Benetti fan, definitely pick this one up.

Nostalgia

If this were a VHS tape, it would be worn out from rewinds.

Ass Slasher is fast, nasty, and wildly entertaining. The story moves like a slasher movie on fast-forward, with sharp dialogue, brutal moments, and that perfect retro mall setting that feels both nostalgic and claustrophobic.

What really works is how self-aware the story is—it embraces the absurd without ever losing momentum. I was hooked early and never bored, which is exactly what I want from a slasher audiobook.

If you’re looking for something fun, dark, and completely unhinged in the best way, this is worth your time.

It’s crazier than you think it will be!

This isn’t for everybody or anybody, if you don’t like the absurd than don’t read this one. But If you want a fast, fun read about ass slashing then this is the book for you!