How to Be a Footballer

By: Peter Crouch

Narrated by: Peter Crouch

**A Sunday Times Sports Book of the Year**

**Shortlisted for the National Book Awards**

**Longlisted for the Telegraph Sports Book Awards Autobiography of the Year**

You become a footballer because you love football. And then you are a footballer, and you're suddenly in the strangest, most baffling world of all. A world where one team-mate comes to training in a bright red suit with matching top-hat, cane and glasses, without any actual glass in them, and another has so many sports cars they forget they have left a Porsche at the train station. Even when their surname is incorporated in the registration plate.

So walk with me into the dressing-room, to find out which players refuse to touch a football before a game, to discover why a load of millionaires never have any shower-gel, and to hear what Cristiano Ronaldo says when he looks at himself in the mirror.

We will go into post-match interviews, make fools of ourselves on social media and try to ensure that we never again pay £250 for a haircut that should have cost a tenner. We'll be coached and cajoled by Harry Redknapp, upset Rafa Benitez and be soothed by the sound of an accordion played by Sven-Goran Eriksson's assistant Tord Grip. There will be some very bad music and some very bad decisions.

I am Peter Crouch. This is How To Be A Footballer. Shall we?

©2018 Peter Crouch (P)2018 Penguin Audio

Critic reviews

'Very funny on almost every page, wonderfully self-deprecating and very sharp on the ludicrous behaviour of the modern player' - Sunday Times

'The funniest man in British sport' - Metro

Amazing

Amazing but narration was not good could not understand overal nice Book loved it great work

Fantastic Honesty

Great insight by a great bloke who really loves the game. Great for Saints !

Heads above most soccer books

Hard to put down because it's so funny. It talks about what it's like to be the outsider, and how obsessed he was with playing well in his teens and didn't have time to learn certain life skills until after he'd made it big. He wrote the book with Tom Fordyce who has a great podcast series on the Billy Joel song "We didn't start the fire".