How to Forget

A Daughter's Memoir

By: Kate Mulgrew

Narrated by: Kate Mulgrew

In this profoundly honest and examined memoir about returning to Iowa to care for her ailing parents, the star of Orange Is the New Black and bestselling author of Born with Teeth takes us on an unexpected journey of loss, betrayal, and the transcendent nature of a daughter’s love for her parents.

They say you can’t go home again. But when her father is diagnosed with aggressive lung cancer and her mother with atypical Alzheimer’s, New York-based actress Kate Mulgrew returns to her hometown in Iowa to spend time with her parents and care for them in the time they have left.

The months Kate spends with her parents in Dubuque—by turns turbulent, tragic, and joyful—lead her to reflect on each of their lives and how they shaped her own. Those ruminations are transformed when, in the wake of their deaths, Kate uncovers long-kept secrets that challenge her understanding of the unconventional Irish Catholic household in which she was raised.

Breathtaking and powerful, laced with the author’s irreverent wit, How to Forget is a considered portrait of a mother and a father, an emotionally powerful memoir that demonstrates how love fuses children and parents, and an honest examination of family, memory, and indelible loss.

Fascinating and Detailed Journey

Kate Mulgrew is a natural story teller. Her narrative captivates with powerful insight and courage. This biography does not disappoint.

A Touching Remembrance

Kate eloquently shares an extraordinary remembrance of the joy and heartbreaking struggles caring for a parent with Alzheimer's.

As my sister and I share the long unceasing similar journey - I found Kate's memories on point - treasured reassuring strength of our days/years to follow.

An Uncommon Telling of a Common Story

First, let me say that I also grew up in Dubuque, IA and had the same sort of experience in the last five years. So much the same that Ms. Mulgrew's mom's doctor was also my mom's doctor. I could easily picture many of the places and people. It was great that Kate was the person reading the book, because she captures the accent of our hometown perfectly.

I would love to write a note to Kate Mulgrew about this book, but I decided to just write a review instead. So many of us are doing our best to provide our parents with care as they age and need more and more help. This is the story of families these days. The young people moved far away when it was time for a career and then worked to figure out how to be there when their parents needed them at home. It doesn't matter how big the family, we all feel the draw to help and the guilt when we are far away.

I will probably read this book again for the pictures it creates in my mind and for the feeling of being in Dubuque with both my mom and dad when they passed. Thank you for sharing your journey Ms. Mulgrew. I enjoyed reading it very much.
Jeanne
P.S. I went to St. Anthony's with your niece Mary Beth. :-) That is such a Dubuque thing to end with!

I Can’t Even

First of all, I would listen to Kate Mulgrew narrate IKEA assembly instructions, so of course 5 stars here. I have to listen to books on at least 1.25x speed, and her voice does not do the scary squeaky thing that most do.

Secondly, the story is phenomenal. It sometimes wanders into the territory of “too personal,” but I am nosy so there’s that. There are times throughout the book where you want more information and you just never get it, so that’s frustrating. But it’s just so freaking GOOD. At no point did I want the story to just end, and at almost 13 hours, that’s impressive.

Overall an amazing read.

Powerful and beautiful

Absolutely incredible especially as an immediate follow up to Born With Teeth. The same richness and poetry that made the events unfold like a crafted narrative despite the autobiographical reality. Absolutely compelling and as insightful I would think for those familiar with loss and those not.

Both of Kate Mulgrew’s memoirs are a testament to how powerful the genre can be now that we can experience it in the author’s actual voice.