I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself

A Novel

By: Marisa Crane

Narrated by: Bailey Carr

Dept. of Speculation meets Black Mirror in this lyrical, speculative debut about a queer mother raising her daughter in an unjust surveillance state

In a United States not so unlike our own, the Department of Balance has adopted a radical new form of law enforcement: rather than incarceration, wrongdoers are given a second (and sometimes, third, fourth, and fifth) shadow as a reminder of their crime—and a warning to those they encounter. Within the Department, corruption and prejudice run rampant, giving rise to an underclass of so-called Shadesters who are disenfranchised, publicly shamed, and deprived of civil rights protections.

Kris is a Shadester and a new mother to a baby born with a second shadow of her own. Grieving the loss of her wife and thoroughly unprepared for the reality of raising a child alone, Kris teeters on the edge of collapse, fumbling in a daze of alcohol, shame, and self-loathing. Yet as the kid grows, Kris finds her footing, raising a child whose irrepressible spark cannot be dampened by the harsh realities of the world. She can’t forget her wife, but with time, she can make a new life for herself and the kid, supported by a community of fellow misfits who defy the Department to lift one another up in solidarity and hope.

With a first-person register reminiscent of the fierce self-disclosure of Sheila Heti and the poetic precision of Ocean Vuong, I Keep My Exoskeletons to Myself is a bold debut novel that examines the long shadow of grief, the hard work of parenting, and the power of queer resistance.

©2023 Marisa Crane (P)2023 Blackstone Publishing

Critic reviews

Indie Next Recommendation

Independent Book Review Pick

Chicago Review of Books Pick

Goodreads Pick

Smart concept. Wish the other characters had been developed more.

Interesting concept that kept me reading. Essentially it’s about being a family- being a single mom- and coming into parenting with your own heavy baggage and all the insecurity that brings, finding your way, and witnessing and supporting the emergence of your kid and their personality and development. All in a mixed up world that judges you harshly and never forgives you for your mistakes.
Wish some of the other characters had been developed more. I wanted to know more about Beau, and Siegfried, and Michelle… but I guess it really wasn’t about them. We were entirely inside Kris’ mind the whole time.
Found the lesbian lovemaking scenes erotic, but to me they didn’t need to be as long as they didn’t add a lot to understanding Kris.

Beautifully devastating

And devastatingly beautiful. Shadesters or No-Shads, society finds another way to other itself. Still, enclaves of those on the lowest rungs find a way to thrive and to love.

Joyful, heartbreaking, funny, and deeply poignant

This is an outstanding novel which has left an imprint on me. I hope it reaches the masses and all can learn something personal and societal from it.

Dystopian tale of facing dark times, while raising a child

Definitely more for the reader of dystopian novels than regular ones. I was curious to see what the author would do with her world where people are unfairly saddled with shadows that live with them and surveillance for minor offenses. Also deals with grief and finally moving on. Has SM practices in the sexuality of the lesbian main character. Interesting read.

WOW!

This book is so beautifully written! What an emotional rollercoaster. Definitely become one of my favorites.