If I Told You, I'd Have to Kiss You

A Novel

By: Mae Marvel

Narrated by: Mia Hutchinson-Shaw

Ms. and Ms. Smith meets The Pairing in this heart-racing romance of secrets, spies, and steam.

A few rules for the international superspy:

(1) Never blow your cover.

(2) Never accept the first plan.

(3) Never fall for anyone at the agency. Especially if she’s your ex-girlfriend.

Yardley Whitmer, code name “the Unicorn,” can do no wrong. She’s honed her spycraft and become an instant legend in the field. If only breaking up with her girlfriend were as easy as rappelling off the Eiffel Tower. Living a full-time cover story has slowly eroded her relationship until there’s nothing left but lies.

KC “Tabasco” Nolan, hacker extraordinaire, can crack any code—except the one that would tell her the right moment to confess her secret job to Yardley. Now it’s too late, and she’s in danger of losing the best chance at love she’s ever had.

When an undercover shakedown goes wrong, Yardley and KC discover the unbelievable truth—that they’ve both been working at the agency for years. To salvage the mission, they partner up and fly across oceans, race through winding European streets, and give in to inconvenient passion while hiding in an ambassador’s linen closet. But can they throw away their rules and fight through their secrets to fall in love with each other’s true selves?

A Macmillan Audio production from St. Martin’s Press.

©2025 Mae Marvel (P)2025 Macmillan Audio

Critic reviews

Most Anticipated by Goodreads

“The international intrigue and well-plotted action sequences evoke James Bond, but the story keeps a sense of cozy sweetness at its core and wears its politics on its sleeve, extolling the virtues of diversity, public service, and queer love. It’s a delightful diversion.”—Publishers Weekly, Starred Review

“Engrossing and highly unique… This slow-burn, fascinating novel reads like a spy thriller that is laced with angst and sexual tension… an exciting addition to the sapphic genre.”—Booklist

"The action is fast, and their inconvenient make-out/make-up sessions are hot, while the covert operation is expertly woven through the romance. Marvel sends readers on a thrilling ride in this steamy spy romance.”—Library Journal

Couldn’t stop listening

An intelligent, well written book that keeps you interested. The dialogue, especially the banter, was excellent. Narration was fantastic.

Great story and awesome narration!

First time reading this author. What a delightful surprise. Great story telling. Mia Hutchison-Shaw brought the characters to life. So good I will definitely follow both.

Finally! A worthy purchase and entertaining listen!

Outstanding story with incredible narration! Do not hesitate to purchase this book! I’m looking forward to more Mae Marvel!

Absolute perfection!

I couldn't put this book down! The writing team hit another homerun and my only wish would be to have another 11+ hours of Yardley & KC. Ms. Hutchinson-Shaw did an amazing job narrating the book and her different accents were on point! 10/10 recommend.

One of its kind!

Original, and needs to be turned into a movie. Epic listen, very engaging and very different than the standard sapphic books