If You Don't Like This, I Will Die

An Influencer Memoir

By: Lee Tilghman

Narrated by: Lee Tilghman

A powerful and illuminating memoir that exposes the stark and rarely-seen reality of influencing as a career.

Lee Tilghman—also known as @LeeFromAmerica—was one of the very first wellness influencers. To her nearly 400,000 followers, she shared daily updates and advice on everything from skincare and sleep hacks to smoothie bowls, travel tips, and workout routines. She embodied #SelfCare. Her sponsorships with such brands as Madewell and Subaru netted an income of over $300,000 a year. On the grid, her life seemed perfect.

But behind her carefully curated posts, Tilghman was in crisis, suffocating from the unrelenting demand of keeping up her online facade. Her friendships frayed from an inability to enjoy any activity, even a simple dinner, without taking hundreds of photos. She found herself viewing everything she did as potential content for Instagram. The more she shared, the more her followers craved. Her romantic relationships suffered from the pressure to “hard launch.” Her job’s focus on food led her to develop a severe fixation on healthy eating. At her lowest point, she looked around her apartment to realize every item she owned had been given to her by brands in exchange for posting. After a stay in a mental health facility to address her disordered eating and psychological decline, Tilghman quit influencing as her primary career and set out to discover who she really was.

If You Don’t Like This, I Will Die is a sharp, self-aware look at life inside the influencer economy and a relatable story for anyone who has struggled with the unreasonableness of online expectations. With over half of Gen Z aspiring to be influencers, nearly three out of five teen girls experiencing “persistent sadness and hopelessness,” and the US Surgeon General calling for a social media warning label, Tilghman’s memoir couldn’t be more timely and necessary.

This isn’t a story of influencing

If you listen closely, it is a story of how unresolved childhood trauma can affect our psyche well into adulthood. How having parents who don’t accept you, exert power over you to control you, and sexually shame you can affect your self esteem. I see this as a story of a young girl with poor self esteem who struggled to accept herself. Who tried, through drugs, drinking, disordered eating, men, and ultimately wellness- to either numb the pain, have some control, or get outside validation from strangers. I hope things continue to get better for Lee and enjoyed this memoir

Great book!

Lee really delivered with honesty, transparency and care to remind that influencing is not for everyone but may be fun gig for others.

I kept thinking…this was worth an entire book?

In terms of a life story worth telling? Meh. I was mostly bored and glad it was a quick listen.

A tell all without much resolution

I’ve been following Lee’s instagram for about a decade now and so I was intrigued to hear her story. I found it to be very interesting and was pretty amazed by how much she shared and how vulnerable she was willing to be. It kind of feels like she’s reached a point in life where she’s starting to understand herself and why she chose to put herself out there for the world to judge her on social media. However, I feel like this book is a bit of a continuation of that process. She shared very intimate details about her family and romantic relationships not realizing she’s setting herself up to be judged and picked apart yet again. I applaud her for being honest because it made for an interesting and engaging story yet I wonder if she subconsciously did it as part of a self-sabotaging pattern of being overtly vulnerable? It feels like in another decade or two she could write another book explaining what she learned about herself but maybe she’s not far enough along in her personal journey to fully articulate that yet. Still worth the read or listen!