Living with an Alcoholic Husband

A true account of living with and without a husband addicted to alcohol

By: Cherry Parker

Narrated by: Virtual Voice

“To me the sound of a metal bottle cap unscrewing against a glass bottle is the worst sound in the world. To my husband it is heaven.”
This true account is my story. My personal observations and feelings as I lived with a husband addicted to alcohol, on a roller coaster ride of hope and despair, love and loathing, embarrassment and anger, dreading each day. I was isolated, confused and upset that I was not doing enough to help him.

You become worn down by the windscreen wiper mentality. The good guy, bad guy, drinking, not drinking, telling the truth, lying, worrying, hope, please not this time, maybe he will stop – or maybe I am going mad – perhaps it is me. This is the life I have written about. How I slowly came to realize that I was always waiting, wanting him to change. Trying to change him. Wrong. It had to be me who changed. I describe how I reached these conclusions, the choices I made and acted upon, to improve my life. Without implementing change, everything will stay the same as it is now. In writing this book I hope that some one else who lives with an alcoholically dependent person can be helped. We are not going mad. We did not cause the problem. We alone cannot change the alcoholic. We must change ourselves in order to get our life back.

A recent review has made the criticism that this book is entirely from my point of view. Yes the majority of it is, but this journey is a 30 year one, with a once wonderful man who changed dramatically. His account of the journey is also included towards the end of the book. I would never have written about this sadness without giving him a voice.

Table of Contents
Introduction
Was he always like That?
How it is Now?
The Windscreen Wiper Effect
Putting the Alcoholic first – Always
The False Front
A Life Dominating Problem
They Belittle and Embarrass
Someone to Talk to
Both partners become Ill
My Concrete Umbrella
Two Inseparable Personalities
Energy or the Lack of It
Isolation Detox Units and Hospitals
When is a Good Time?
Antabuse Cancer Obligation
They Must be Responsible
What will They Think?
Hospital Staff
We Don’t Understand Trust
Acting a Part
Not All the Answers
Is This as Good as it Gets?
Video Rewind
Slow Realization
First Small Steps
Beginning to Change
Contentment
Questions
Keep Seeking the Truth
Further Change
More on Values
To Leave or To Stay
Communication
The Two Choices To Return or Not
He Die Without Me?
My Clear Conscious
Whether They Change or Not
Yes I Have a Problem
Individual Responsibility
Alcoholics are Not Fools
The True Personality
Al Anon
Let Go and Let God
Accept and Learn
A Tangled Mess
A Foot in Each Camp
Those Two Days
Looking After Yourself
Professional People Declutter
34 Years is a Long Time
AA is not for everyone
Further Reading
The Final Chapter

Feeling seen and validated

I hate that anyone can actually relate to this, but I definitely could. I’ve felt alone, and so many emotions explained by another person going through the same situation. It has really helped me, as my first book, and step, in dealing with my husband, as well as the same pattern within my family of generations of alcoholics. I plan on reading it many times more.

Small but mighty!

I have never been so seen; loved her direct yet honest approach. I also appreciate the fact that she speaks to not all traditional plans work for everyone.