Shadow Daughter

A Memoir of Estrangement

By: Harriet Brown

Narrated by: Harriet Brown

A riveting, provocative, and ultimately hopeful exploration of mother-daughter estrangement, woven with research and anecdotes, from an award-winning journalist.

The day of her mother's funeral, Harriet Brown was five thousand miles away. For years they'd gone through cycles of estrangement and connection, drastic blow-ups and equally dramatic reconciliations. By the time her mother died at seventy-six, they hadn't spoken at all in several years. Her mother's death sent Brown on a journey of exploration, one that considered guilt and trauma, rage and betrayal, and forgiveness.

Shadow Daughter tackles a subject we rarely discuss as a culture. Family estrangements -- between parents and children, siblings, multiple generations -- are surprisingly common, and even families that aren't officially estranged often have some experience of deep conflicts. Despite the fact that the issue touches most people one way or another, estrangement is still shrouded in secrecy, stigma, and shame. We simply don't talk about it, and that silence can make an already difficult situation even harder. Brown tells her story with clear-eyed honesty and hard-won wisdom; she also shared interviews with others who are estranged, as well as the most recent research on this taboo topic.

Ultimately, Shadow Daughter is a thoughtful, provocative, and deeply researched exploration of the ties that bind and break, forgiveness, reconciliation, and what family really means.

Mother to estranged daughter.

As the mother of an estranged daughter this book gave me a lot of insight into how to proceed, or not, in attempts to reconcile. I think we need a time apart to grow.

Beautifully put book

This felt like a warm cup of coffee for my soul, being estranged from my entire family has been so painful and hard to process. This has helped me, at the very least, feel less alone

Variety of Experiences

While this book didn’t fully hit for me, there was an obvious effort by the author to encapsulate a variety of experiences. I appreciated the efforts to depict resolutions outside of reconciliation.

A particularly memorable line:
“She (the mother) wanted me to deny myself before I even knew who I was.”

Enlightening

I liked how the author spoke of other daughters struggles. Other mothers feeling. I started reading this book as a mom trying to find a way to connect with my estranged daughter, but I realized I was the mother who alienated the daughter.

I Needed This

I'm in healthy tears after listening to this memior. My life, in the words of someone else, telling their life. I needed this, like a community or a hug.