Smitten

Romantic Obsession, the Neuroscience of Limerence, and How to Make Love Last

By: Ph.D. Tom Bellamy

Narrated by: John Hopkins

A groundbreaking exploration of the psychology of infatuation, how to recognize it, and how to move beyond it towards a healthier experience of love.

“Butterflies” in the stomach, intrusive thoughts, fantasies about imaginary scenarios, mood swings from euphoria to despair… aren't these all the familiar hallmarks of new love? Not quite. These are characteristics of the psychological state of “limerence,” also known as obsessive, passionate or addictive love that can become unhealthy.

Millions of people experience limerence at some point in their life. In this book, neuroscientist Tom Bellamy explores advances in neuroscience since the term was coined in the 1970s, and sheds light on this little-understood element of the human experience. Discover:

· what drives limerence
· how to recognize limerence in yourself and others
· how to manage the phases of addiction to another person
· how to move past it to sustain longer, more fulfilling relationships.

With supportive advice about next steps, this audiobook will help listeners struggling with unwanted feelings to find emotional equilibrium. Rooted in neuroscience, Smitten offers practical guidance for those experiencing obsessive love and seeking a path to a healthy relationship.

A Macmillan Audio production from St. Martin’s Press Essentials

Critic reviews

"Neuroscientist Bellamy's book might last longer than a typical spell of limerence, ably distilling 50 years of research into accessible, engaging prose ... Illuminating and helpful."--Library Journal

"As someone who has studied and written about the science of love, I find Dr Bellamy's Smitten to be a masterful exploration of limerence – one of love's most intense and mysterious manifestations. His unique integration of neuroscientific expertise with deep empathy for the limerent experience creates an invaluable resource for both professionals and those seeking to understand their own overwhelming romantic feelings."
—Dr. Liat Yakir, author of A Brief History of Love

"A wise and generous life raft for anyone lost in a crush."
—Natasha Lunn, author of Conversations on Love

Facts & Recommendations Clearly Explained!

I like how clear the author discusses the topic and how to overcome its challenges.

Outstanding

This book is the most comprehensive title I’ve read on the subject of limerence. I’ve lived through and felt most of these reactions to relationships and am learning what a mature relationship might look like with the help of this book. Thank you Dr. Tom Bellamy for sharing your knowledge!

Anti-Limerence “Self-Help” Book

I appreciate there is a new book about limerence, but the author seems to view it as a weakness. Unlike the Dorothy Tennov book that generally describes the phenomenon without judgment, this book suggests suppressing feelings of limerence. The author likens limerence to a drug addiction and instructs readers to mentally retrain to “devalue” associations with a limerent object. He sets an agenda of “purposeful living” that one might find in many self help books unrelated to limerence. It’s unfortunate that self denial has become the popular response to feelings of limerence (and going “no contact”). Where is the pro-limerence book that celebrates desire and human connection? I would rather live in a society in which following your heart and letting love guide you is ok instead of the self-repression that this book dictates.

2 years ago

I needed this book 2 years. as a spouse of a limerant prone person. it helps that it is geared towards a new generation and what we deal with in this day and age.

If You Know, You Know

This book captures limerence perfectly. Reading it felt like someone finally put a completly confounding experience into words and tackled the 'why' as best as anyone EVER could. I’ve also read Debhar Tennov’s book, and this one covers the topic much more effectively.

For anyone who’s lived through limerence — or is still in it — this book will make you feel seen, understood, and not alone. It’s rare to find something that describes the experience so accurately, and while it’s one of the hardest things a person can go through, the self-discovery that follows is profound.

If you have had limerance, this book is a must read. If you’ve never experienced it, I hope you never do. But if you know… you know.

One more note — I love the narration in this book. It’s perfect: soothing, with just the right hint of mystery. Limerence is a serious + scary, and the narrator captures that mood beautifully. It’s far more enjoyable to listen to than those overly clinical narrations. The narrator’s style actually reminds me of someone who’d read for a Ken Follett novel.

Dr. Bellamy, thank you for caring. I hope this book makes you a ultra rich because you deserve it.