The Dance of Deception

Pretending and Truth-Telling in Women's Lives

By: Harriet Lerner

Narrated by: Harriet Lerner

When The Dance of Deceptionwas published, Lerner discovered that women were not eager to identify with the subject. ""Well, I don't do deception"" was a common resonse.

We all ""do deception"", often with the intention to protect ourselves and the relationships we depend on. The Dance of Deceptionunravels the ways (and whys) that women show the false and hide the real -- even to our own selves. We see how relationships are affected by lying and faking, by silence and pretending and by brave -- but misguided -- efforts to tell the truth.

Truth-telling is at the heart of what is most central in women's lives. It is at the foundation of authenticity and creativity, intimacy and joy. Yet in the name of ""honesty"", we can bludgeon each other. We can approach a difficult issue with such a poor sense of timing and tact that we can actually shut down the lines of communication rather than widening the path of truth-telling.

Sometimes Lerner's advice takes a surprising turn -- for example, when she asks us to engage in a bold act of pretending in order to discover something ""more real""; or when she tells us not to parachute down on our family to bring up a ""hot issue"" without laying the necessary groundwork first.

Whether the subject is affairs, family secrets, sexual faking or the challenge of ""being oneself"", Lerner helps us to discover, speak and live our own truths.

Fantastic

Widening the path to truth telling! This is fantastic and necessary text! I love it

Deep and applicable to daily life

Practical, philosophical, brief but deep. Applicable
to daily life and offers a lot to think about. Highly recommend.

very informational about authenticity.

This book really goes deep in regards to wemon diversity and how the domination of men has influenced the way of deception in our culture.

Worth a listen

I love Harriet Lerner’s writing and narration. This book did not disappoint! I like all her books.

A good reminder toward personal authenticity and societal inclusion

I started listening to this book because I was hoping it would give some helpful suggestions for laying the groundwork to be able to represent oneself more authentically to others in a way that makes the conversation easier.

The book is actually more about the ways that women often feel required to bend or obscure their own truth to fit into society. So, it does have useful ideas and examples for questioning expectations, and learning to trust your own interpretations, but not very much about specifically finding ways of communicating these to others. (At least, not beyond being more aware of them for yourself, which is always good)