There and NEVER, EVER Back Again

By: Jeff Mach

Narrated by: Jordan Reader

"There is a white wizard, cloaked in spellcraft and guile and a truly astonishing sense of self-righteousness, and he simply will not stop slaughtering The Chosen One until he kills me."

Set in a fantasy world of unmanageable magics and questionable cosmology, There and NEVER, EVER Back Again: A Dark Lord's Journal is the peculiar, blackly satirical tale of the Dark Lord, who is amassing an army of Things of the Night, and awaiting likely death at the hands of:

The Elves: A beautiful, shiny, sociopathic species whose language is entirely sarcasm.

The Dwarves: Doomed hammer-swinging dwellers of the underground.

The Armies of Man: No one tells a better tale, or causes a more rapid extinction.

The White Wizard: Embodiment of all that is good and right; just ask him.

....and

The Chosen One: Victim - sorry, meant to say "Hero" - of a glorious prophecy. The Chosen One is destined to bring down the Dark Lord, if not killed first. In which case, The White Wizard will have to find a replacement. Again.

Behold! A (relatively) epic narration of world-changing events, told from the point of view of the Dark Lord. 'Tis a story of shattering destiny, drinking, arcane secrets, drinking, and battles worth of the Sagas. Well, not the Sagas of Men, but the Orcs have probably got something to say about it. Let's get going; it's time to steal the Sun.

There and NEVER, EVER Back Again is the first novel by Jeff Mach, playwright, event creator, and certified Dark Lord.

©2019 Jeff Mach (P)2019 Jeff Mach

You will love it or will hate it

I have look at dozens of book reviewing website for this book and I can say in my library of over 3000 audiobooks I have never seen such a split in half. I can literally only find one or five-star review with no exception.

Nice story, wrong narrator

The story is nice and different, however the main female protagonists sound male, deep male voices. It ruined the story.

I may be biased, but I loved it.

I couldn't enjoy this book any more if I had written it myself.

And I honestly can't imagine anyone listening to part of Jordan's delivery and not wanting to hear the rest of it.

a good story.

the narrator whas bad sometimes but i like it and i recommend it . .

It was good probably a better to read it

the editing was bad. sentences would restart from clearly a new take. The actor should have been female as thats who the characters mostly are. His dark lord voice is goofy but not distracting. The story is very good overall if it wasn't for the editing bit everything else was fine.