Would You Rather?

A Memoir of Growing Up and Coming Out

By: Katie Heaney

Narrated by: Katie Heaney

A collection of poignant, relatable essays from the author of Never Have I Ever about coming out in her late twenties, entering into her first relationship, and figuring out what it means to be an adult.

When Katie Heaney published her first book of essays, chronicling her singledom up to age twenty-five, she was still waiting to meet the right guy. Three years later, a lot changed. For one thing, she met the right girl.

Here, for the first time, Katie opens up about realizing at the age of twenty-eight that she is gay. In these poignant, funny essays, she wrestles with her shifting sexuality and identity, and describes what it was like coming out to everyone she knows (and everyone she doesn’t). As she revisits her past, looking for any “clues” that might have predicted this outcome, Katie reveals that life doesn’t always move directly from point A to point B—no matter how much we would like it to.

In a warm and relatable voice, Katie tackles everything from the trials of dating in New York City to the growing pains of her first relationship, from obsessing over Harry Styles (because, actually, he does look a bit like a lesbian) to learning to accept herself all over again. Exploring love and sexuality with her neurotic wit and endearing intimacy, Katie Heaney shares the message that it’s never too late to find love–or yourself.

Illustration © 2018 Neil Webb c/o the ispot


Advance praise for Would You Rather?

“Would You Rather? is an extraordinarily generous and affecting book. Katie Heaney has written something with a remarkable amount of room in it—enough for anyone to spread out and connect with. It’s deeply felt, clear-eyed, joyful, and illuminating.”—Mallory Ortberg, author of Texts from Jane Eyre: And Other Conversations with Your Favorite Literary Characters

“Whether you’re single or in a relationship, whether you’re queer, straight, or questioning, whether or not you’re partial to Harry Styles—you will discover something relatable and self-affirming in this honest, heartfelt, hilarious memoir.”—Camille Perri, author of The Assistants

“What does it mean to find yourself, to know who you are and walk boldly in that truth? Would You Rather? takes readers on that journey along with Katie, reveling in the relief and glee of finding your tribe and frolicking in the exquisite joy of being a woman who loves women.”—Jenna Wortham, staff writer at The New York Times Magazine and co-host of the podcast Still Processing

Critic reviews

“[Katie] Heaney’s not afraid to examine her past for ‘clues’ to what she realizes is her truth in the present, and reflects on her changing identity with honesty and wit.”—NYLON

“An honest, endearing, and laugh-out-loud account of coming to terms with one’s sexual identity.”—W Magazine

“Would You Rather? is an extraordinarily generous and affecting book. Katie Heaney has written something with a remarkable amount of room in it—enough for anyone to spread out and connect with. It’s deeply felt, clear-eyed, joyful, and illuminating.”—Mallory Ortberg, author of Texts from Jane Eyre: And Other Conversations with Your Favorite Literary Characters

“Whether you’re single or in a relationship, whether you’re queer, straight, or questioning, whether or not you’re partial to Harry Styles—you will discover something relatable and self-affirming in this honest, heartfelt, hilarious memoir.”—Camille Perri, author of The Assistants

“What does it mean to find yourself, to know who you are and walk boldly in that truth? Would You Rather? takes readers on that journey along with Katie, reveling in the relief and glee of finding your tribe and frolicking in the exquisite joy of being a woman who loves women.”—Jenna Wortham, staff writer at The New York Times Magazine and co-host of the podcast Still Processing

we need more books like this !!

overall a coming out story that is super honest, relatable, and geared to a younger crowed. feels like the queer version of something straight kids have had multiple choices of for ages, and for that, thank you katie <3 just a little less whinny could be nice, let’s try not to be tina here!

Insightful but drawn out

I feel like the author could have cut out at least 3 chapters in this book, more toward the end. The first half is interesting and I learn a lot of cool, quirky things well described. Then once we get to Lydia, it’s just extended extended extended with maybe one sentence that’s a lesson out of each chapter. Loved the first half. Second half I couldn’t wait to get to the end and just finish the book

Interesting listen

I listened to this book from cover to cover in one day and must say - I enjoyed how she told her life's story. The work is structured well. Each chapter has specific topic and flashes from her life, whitch fall under that topic are told. Also, in bigger scope her life is told in progressive form and we learn about her problems and reasons why she's where she is.
The author a lot refers to a fact that she identifies now as queer. However, she never explains what she understands with that and how she defines that. I mention this because, there's no exact definiton of queer person and each one who defines under that label understands it differently.
After listening to this book, I can conclude that the main reason for her problems with men were due to her childhood and strict rules about having no dates until age of 16. All other problems grew out of this one.
I would encourage others to listen to the story carefully, because if you're listening to it in background while multitasking, you may miss some details and that could ruin your expiriance.

Fascinating and much understood. Even at my age.

I grew up believing that every relationship I had would one day lead to marriage. But of course was disappointed when it didn't happen. The author paints a beautiful story of honesty and truth. Even at my age, I still am hoping. Brilliant.

Related and Honest

I got this after listening to the author on a podcast; I found the book honest, reflective, and fun.