Coercive and controlling behaviour is one of the most complex and widely discussed issues in family law today.

In this episode of Dear Divorce Diary, family law professionals Darren Mort and Joplin Higgins explore how this behaviour appears in relationships, how it is interpreted in the court system, and why it can be difficult to prove.

Through an unscripted role-play scenario, Darren and Joplin demonstrate how two people in the same relationship can experience the same situation very differently.

The discussion highlights how patterns of behaviour—rather than isolated incidents—are often the key to understanding coercive control within marriages and during divorce proceedings.

What Is Coercive and Controlling Behaviour?

The episode begins by unpacking the meaning of coercive control, a form of family violence that may not involve physical harm but can include psychological, financial, or emotional manipulation.

Darren and Joplin explain that many people struggle to identify coercive control because:

• It often occurs gradually over time
• It may involve subtle forms of manipulation
• Victims may feel constantly on edge or fearful without clear incidents of physical violence

This makes the issue both legally and emotionally complex.

Financial Control vs Household Budgeting

A key discussion point is the difference between legitimate financial management and financial abuse.

Joplin explains that setting a household budget is normal in many relationships. However, financial behaviour may become controlling when it includes:

• Restricting access to money
• Requiring detailed justification for everyday spending
• Monitoring purchases in a way that undermines autonomy
• Controlling access to government payments or income

These patterns can lead to a situation where one partner loses financial independence.

Patterns of Behaviour in Family Law

Both Darren and Joplin emphasise that coercive control is rarely defined by a single incident.

Instead, courts typically look for:

• Repeated behaviours over time
• A pattern that demonstrates power or dominance
• Conduct that creates fear, dependence, or restriction for the other partner

Understanding this pattern is essential for lawyers when preparing cases and presenting evidence.

Challenges in Proving Coercive Control

One of the biggest challenges in family law is proving coercive behaviour in court.

Unlike physical violence, coercive control often leaves little physical evidence. Instead, it may rely on:

• Personal accounts of behaviour
• Recorded communications
• Financial records
• Witness testimony
• Patterns of conduct over time

Because of this, lawyers must spend significant time building a detailed background history of the relationship.

This episode provides valuable insight into one of the most debated and evolving areas of family law.

Important takeaways include:

• Coercive control often involves patterns of behaviour rather than single incidents
• Financial management can become problematic when it restricts autonomy or independence
• Evidence of coercive behaviour requires detailed documentation and legal preparation
• Context and relationship dynamics are critical when assessing allegations

As Darren and Joplin highlight, coercive control is a complex legal and social issue, and understanding it requires careful examination of both personal experiences and legal standards.

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If you’re navigating separation, parenting arrangements, or family court processes, Dear Divorce Diary offers real conversations and practical insights from experienced family law professionals.

Follow, like, and subscribe to stay up to date with upcoming episodes featuring Darren Mort (Family Law Barrister) and Joplin Higgins (Family Law Solicitor).

Real law. Real families. Real conversations.

Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.

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In this deeply insightful episode of Dear Divorce Diaries, family law barrister Darren “Daz” Mort and solicitor Joplin “Jop” Higgins tackle one of the most emotionally charged and misunderstood topics in family law: the role of grandparents after separation.

Prompted by a wave of listener questions, Daz and Jop unpack the common misconception that grandparents have “rights” in the family law system — and explain why, legally, all rights belong to the child.

What grandparents do have, however, are responsibilities, and in many cases a profoundly important role in a child’s emotional stability, routine and sense of belonging.

The conversation explores:

• When and how grandparents can seek time with their grandchildren
• Why courts often support ongoing grandparent relationships
• The impact of separation, anger and grief on extended family bonds
• When grandparents should consider mediation or court applications
• The long-term consequences of cutting children off from loving grandparents

Through real-world examples — from after-school care to funerals, cultural traditions and long-distance relationships — this episode highlights how decisions made in moments of hurt can echo well into a child’s future.

As always, the focus remains firmly on the child’s best interests, encouraging parents and grandparents alike to look beyond conflict, prioritise perspective, and keep their eyes on the road ahead rather than the rear-view mirror.

A must-listen for grandparents, parents, and anyone navigating separation with children involved.

Why This Episode Matters

Whether someone is just contemplating separation or deep into negotiations, this episode offers a grounded, compassionate look at what the process actually feels like — beyond forms and courtrooms. The blend of legal insight and emotional awareness helps listeners feel equipped, not overwhelmed, by the road ahead.

And because no two separations look the same, you can be part of the conversation.

Listeners are invited to submit their questions for Daz & Jop, with future episodes dedicated to answering real experiences, real challenges and real concerns from the people who need guidance most.

Whether you’re contemplating separation, navigating court, co-parenting, or simply trying to put your children first through the uncertainty — The Dear Divorce Diary Podcast offers steady, professional guidance to help reshape the path ahead.

Real law. Real families. Real conversations.

Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In Episode 6 of Dear Divorce Diaries, Darren “Daz” Mort and Joplin “Jop” Higgins dive into a topic that is often misunderstood and frequently misused in family law — trauma-informed practice.

Daz & Jop explain why this term is not just a trendy buzzword, and why many lawyers and judicial officers may not truly understand what it means in practice. Joplin, a recognised expert in the field and author of a book on trauma-informed practice, explains how lawyers and courts must ensure they do not re-traumatise clients during the legal process.

The episode explores the practical application of trauma-informed approaches in family law. Joplin describes strategies used in her firm to create a safe environment, including:

• weighted blankets and heat packs
• stress balls
• massage chairs
• structured communication strategies (urgent vs non-urgent emails)
• pre-conference forms to avoid repeatedly asking clients to recount traumatic incidents

They discuss how domestic violence and coercive behaviour are present in many family law cases, and why it’s essential to handle information sensitively. The hosts also highlight how the legal process can unintentionally cause ongoing trauma, especially when clients are repeatedly asked to relive painful events.

Darren highlights the court’s trauma-informed initiatives, including the court dog program, which supports parties and children through the process. They also discuss the need for lawyers to be aware of clients’ capacity to give instructions, and how trauma can affect memory and communication.

Joplin emphasises that trauma-informed practice is not just about empathy — it is about creating safety, stability, and clarity so clients can participate effectively in their case. The episode ends with a powerful reminder that trauma-informed practice is a professional responsibility, not a marketing term, and clients should expect it from their family lawyer.

Key Topics Covered:

• What “trauma-informed practice” actually means
• Why it’s not just a buzzword
• How legal processes can re-traumatise clients
• Practical strategies in law firms to reduce stress
• Why communication strategy matters (urgent vs non-urgent)
• How domestic violence and coercive behaviour impact cases
• Court initiatives like the therapy dog program
• The importance of safe client environments
• Trauma’s impact on clients’ capacity to give instructions
• Why trauma-informed practice is essential in family law

Why This Episode Matters

Whether someone is just contemplating separation or deep into negotiations, this episode offers a grounded, compassionate look at what the process actually feels like — beyond forms and courtrooms. The blend of legal insight and emotional awareness helps listeners feel equipped, not overwhelmed, by the road ahead.

And because no two separations look the same, you can be part of the conversation.

Listeners are invited to submit their questions for Daz & Jop, with future episodes dedicated to answering real experiences, real challenges and real concerns from the people who need guidance most.

Whether you’re contemplating separation, navigating court, co-parenting, or simply trying to put your children first through the uncertainty — The Dear Divorce Diary Podcast offers steady, professional guidance to help reshape the path ahead.

Real law. Real families. Real conversations.

Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In Episode 5 of Dear Divorce Diaries, Darren “Daz” Mort and Joplin “Jop” Higgins tackle one of the most important decisions people make during separation: how to choose the right family lawyer.

The episode opens with the hosts explaining the podcast rules: they can’t provide direct legal advice, but they can discuss themes based on listener questions. The conversation is driven by questions submitted via TikTok and Instagram, focusing on the core issue of selecting a lawyer who will genuinely support you through the family law process.

Joplin explains that the relationship between client and lawyer is crucial. Separation is emotionally draining and often financially stressful, so you need a lawyer who is not only skilled but also someone you can work with for potentially two years or more. The hosts emphasise the importance of chemistry and trust, and encourage listeners to trust their instincts if a lawyer doesn’t feel like the right fit.

They discuss how to assess a lawyer’s suitability, including:

• Specialist expertise (trusts, businesses, domestic violence, trauma-informed practice)
• Experience and practical knowledge (not just “talking the talk”)
• The lawyer’s ability to manage complex emotional and mental health issues
• Firm structure and how cases are handled day-to-day
• Who will actually work on the file (junior lawyers, paralegals, support staff)

Daz highlights the importance of understanding who is handling the case when the principal lawyer is in court. He warns that many clients feel let down when they are left dealing with a junior solicitor they barely know, and stresses the need for transparency from the outset.

The hosts also discuss the practical side of legal fees, explaining:

• Cost agreements and what they cover
• Trust accounts and payment structures
• Fixed fees vs hourly rates
• The importance of understanding what is included in any fixed fee package
• The contractual nature of cost agreements and what happens if the case becomes more complex

The episode concludes with a reminder that choosing a lawyer is one of the most significant decisions in the family law process. The hosts encourage listeners to ask questions, seek clarity, and always trust their instincts.

Key Topics Covered:

• Why choosing a lawyer is the most important decision in family law
• Importance of personality fit and trust
• Long-term nature of family law cases (often 2+ years)
• Need for specialist expertise (domestic violence, trusts, business)
• Trauma-informed practice and social science knowledge
• Firm structure and who handles your case
• Importance of knowing support staff (secretary, accounts, juniors)
• Costs and cost agreements explained
• Fixed fee vs hourly rate
• How to avoid being trapped in the wrong legal relationship

Why This Episode Matters

Whether someone is just contemplating separation or deep into negotiations, this episode offers a grounded, compassionate look at what the process actually feels like — beyond forms and courtrooms. The blend of legal insight and emotional awareness helps listeners feel equipped, not overwhelmed, by the road ahead.

And because no two separations look the same, you can be part of the conversation.

Listeners are invited to submit their questions for Daz & Jop, with future episodes dedicated to answering real experiences, real challenges and real concerns from the people who need guidance most.

Whether you’re contemplating separation, navigating court, co-parenting, or simply trying to put your children first through the uncertainty — The Dear Divorce Diary Podcast offers steady, professional guidance to help reshape the path ahead.

Real law. Real families. Real conversations.

Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In Episode 4 of Dear Divorce Diaries, Joplin Higgins and Darren “Daz” Mort return to answer listener questions and discuss some of the most emotionally charged issues in family law — especially change of residence and how the court evaluates parenting capacity.

Daz & Jop begin by reminding listeners of the podcast’s ground rules: they will discuss themes, not give direct legal advice, and they won’t discuss specific people or cases. Most listeners are navigating family law for the first time, so the hosts aim to provide clarity and support in a confusing process.

The conversation then moves to the complex topic of change of residence, which used to be called custody. Daz explains that these cases are among the hardest to win because they involve destabilising a child’s primary care arrangement. The court prioritises risk and safety, and the child’s views are considered but weighed based on age and developmental maturity.

Daz and Jop also discuss how the court assesses parental attitude — especially where one parent refuses to facilitate a relationship between the child and the other parent. They share a real courtroom example showing how disrespect and denigration can dramatically harm a parent’s case. The hosts emphasise that the court is focused on maintaining stability and safety, not punishing parents.

The episode then explores the role of step-parents, challenging the common stereotype that they are “bad” or unwanted. The hosts share examples of healthy step-parent relationships and how cooperative co-parenting can benefit children. They also discuss the risks of a new partner who may be unsafe, and how this can impact a change of residence case.

Finally, the episode covers capacity to parent and the role of family reports, including child impact reports, psychological assessments, and children’s views reports. While these reports can be helpful, the hosts remind listeners that they are just one piece of evidence and are not always conclusive.

The episode ends with a reminder that family law is a complex system, and that understanding the themes and processes can help parents make better decisions for their children.

Key Topics Covered:

• Rules for listener questions (no legal advice, no names, no case details)
• Change of residence explained (formerly custody)
• Court’s focus: risk, safety, and child’s views
• How parental attitude affects outcomes
• The impact of coercive behaviour and denigration
• The role of step-parents in modern families
• Risk of unsafe new partners
• Capacity to parent and how courts assess it
• Family reports, psychiatric reports, and children’s views reports
• The cost and limitations of expert reports

And because no two separations look the same, you can be part of the conversation.

Listeners are invited to submit their questions for Daz & Jop, with future episodes dedicated to answering real experiences, real challenges and real concerns from the people who need guidance most.

Whether you’re contemplating separation, navigating court, co-parenting, or simply trying to put your children first through the uncertainty — The Dear Divorce Diary Podcast offers steady, professional guidance to help reshape the path ahead.

Real law. Real families. Real conversations.

Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In Episode 3 of Dear Divorce Diaries, Darren “Daz” Mort and Joplin “Jop” Higgins explore the emotional realities behind family law — and why separation feels like uncharted territory for most people.

They explain that many separated parents unintentionally make mistakes because they simply don’t know what to do — and then they’re judged for it in court.

This episode goes beyond legal process and dives into the human story behind family breakdowns, revealing how family lawyers often become lifelong supports for clients and children. Darren shares his personal journey — from growing up through family breakdown and financial hardship, to creating powerful films like Tommy, Millie, and the upcoming Jack & Jill. These films were born from real experiences, including Darren’s work on the Family Violence Task Force and his own childhood trauma.

Daz & Jop discuss how family law isn’t just a case, it’s a lifelong impact on children — and why having resources like films and books can help parents understand their child’s emotional world. Darren explains the inspiration behind his films, how they’re used in courts and parenting programs globally, and how they help families navigate the separation process in a child-focused way.

They also highlight the importance of support, empathy, and education, and why separation is not something most people are prepared for — yet it changes lives forever.

Key Topics Covered:

• Why separation feels like “uncharted territory”
• The emotional trauma behind family law
• How lawyers build long-term relationships with clients
• Darren’s personal story of family breakdown
• The creation of the films Tommy, Millie, and Jack & Jill
• The impact of family conflict on children
• How children interpret separation and blame themselves
• How educational tools help parents understand their child’s world
• The importance of empathy, support and community

Why This Episode Matters

Whether someone is just contemplating separation or deep into negotiations, this episode offers a grounded, compassionate look at what the process actually feels like — beyond forms and courtrooms. The blend of legal insight and emotional awareness helps listeners feel equipped, not overwhelmed, by the road ahead.

And because no two separations look the same, you can be part of the conversation.

Listeners are invited to submit their questions for Daz & Jop, with future episodes dedicated to answering real experiences, real challenges and real concerns from the people who need guidance most.

Whether you’re contemplating separation, navigating court, co-parenting, or simply trying to put your children first through the uncertainty — The Dear Divorce Diary Podcast offers steady, professional guidance to help reshape the path ahead.

Real law. Real families. Real conversations.

Subscribe, listen, learn — and know that you’re not alone.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.